Sunday, March 6, 2011

Unzipping the suit of shame

Photo Source Here

I walked in to church today. Confession…it had been about a month since I had been. So, I went to church, and you would have thought I was a 9th grader on the first day of school. I felt as if everyone was looking at me like “where have you been” and “why haven’t you been here”, and the ones that read my blog, I even felt nervous seeing them, as if they had seen me in my most intimate spiritual underwear.

It’s been a while since I have felt shame like that. I knew full well how ridiculous the thoughts running through my mind were, but that did not change them. I knew they were ridiculous, but I kept listening to them. I walked around with my head down, hoping not to have to talk to anyone, lest I have to explain why I had been absent for a month.

I didn’t even realize it, but somewhere on the way from my car to the front doors, I zipped up the full body suit of shame. It was like a wetsuit, sucked tight to my skin, letting nothing out and nothing in.

It wasn’t until I sat down almost in panic attack mode that I realized what was wrong with me.

In fact, this is not a new battle for me. I can preach it with the best of them behind the computer screen, but see me in public and I bow my head as if I have not been changed. I struggle to be “me” in person. I struggle to let someone else see how passionate I am about my Lord. I am almost embarrassed to show off the healing that God has done. It’s almost like my heart has had a complete makeover, but I wear a bag over my heart so that no one can see it.

Then the sermon, it would be about being salt, and light, and a shining city on a hill. About how silly it is to light a lamp, and then place a bowl over the top of it.

I am not afraid to be a lamp online. But, I am in person. I walk around with a bowl over my head so no one will see me. I zip up the suit of shame so that no one can see me. So that I won’t be vulnerable.

But…I don’t want to do it anymore. Today during communion, I laid my suit of shame at the foot of the cross. I unzipped that life sucking shamesuit, and laid it down. And I am praying like crazy that I won’t pick it back up in the morning. I want to reflect his glory, to be light, to let the whole world know how my life has changed.
But that is not what Satan wants. He wants me to be embarrassed, to make me believe that my story is not worth sharing, that my thoughts are not worth speaking. Not true-Mr. Father of LIES!!!! No sir! I am a changed person in Christ. I am a light, each and every one of us are lights, whether we like it or not! So shine sister shine!!! Unzip that ugly unflattering shame suit, and trade it for your princess dress, because you are His princess, and that is nothing to ashamed of!!!!


  1. LOVE this! I can SO relate! It's like inside I am screaming for my new heart full of hope and healing to get OUT. Yet, the outside is cool calm and cold - like I didn't need any healing at all. I hate it. I posted awhile back about being afraid of the "overflow" - the good God is bringing about. I want to protect it - as if I have any power to do that.

    Good for you! Praying that you leave the suit where you left it. Thank you for sharing so big & deep. Blessings ~

  2. Well, my friend. Your light is too bright to hide under a bowl. Your city lights shine so bright that the whole valley can see your hillside (AT Hillside, hee hee).
    We often see ourselves through the lenses of our past, which makes us look so stinkin' ugly. God sees us through the lenses of His son, which makes us look DARN GOOD! And when His light is shining through us, the world fails to see us anymore - it sees Him.
    Girl, accept that Jesus shines through you. I mean, seriously, someone doesn't even have to know your beautiful spirit to see Jesus just on your face alone. YOU REFLECT THE BEAUTY OF OUR LORD!!!!

    I say this not only as a friend/mentor/whatever, but even as an objective bystander. God has done wonders in you, and I know you know that, so let it shine.
    Love you sooooo much.

  3. I'm clapping!!! Yeah!!! Don't ever pick it up again. You have such a heart for Him and you have been a HUGE instrument in my putting one foot in front of the other over the last couple of months! You are right..satan wants us to believe the lies and live out of them.
    Today I read Psalm 45...a good picture of our royalty. You know I struggle with these same I understand.
    Women need your story and you are sharing so the battle intensifies but you are a warrior women..keep breathing ok? I'm on the front lines with you sister!!

  4. Robyn and Tiffini, so glad I am not the only one who struggles with this! :)

    Kris, I am crying! I love you too so very much dear sister/mentor/friend :) "accept that Jesus shines through you"...I guess that it's time I do that huh?

  5. Shine sister shine!
    I love it when sisters through Christ are encouraging to one another. It is my prayer that all of you Shine On. Your encouragement has been so good for my soul.
    God bless you all.