Thursday, March 10, 2011

She Breathes. She Speaks.

I still remember the day. It was a bit windy outside, and I sat there waiting for my counselor to arrive. Today was the day I had decided to speak.

We sat there in her office. Halfway mumbling, I told her I was ready to talk about it. She just said okay. What I love the most about her is that she never pushed or prompted me before I was ready. I’m quite certain it took me the better part of an hour to get out the sum total of about 10 sentences. Sentences filled with words that had always haunted my soul, but had never been spoken before. The words describing the night it happened, the date rape.

My memories were still very sporadic at this point, and I still envisioned myself in the front seat watching the whole thing happen. But, I spoke. She spoke. For the very first time the little girl that had been silent for 11 years was allowed to breathe. She speaks.

She speaks. Proverbs 31 hosts a conference called She Speaks. I have decided to attend this year, and would be honored to receive a scholarship. It is a conference where I hope to learn how to be a better writer, and maybe even a speaker someday. But to me, she speaks means so much more than the name of a conference.
Proverbs 31:26 says that “she speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue”.

It never ceases to amaze me how much wisdom was held in that sweet little 15 year old me that was raped. When I finally allowed her to speak, she flooded me with her strength. When I finally allowed her out of the dark and let her breathe, God lavished her with a beautiful crown of grace and mercy. And any faithful instruction that ever comes forth from my lips is because God has given it to her, to me. She speaks.

It is my prayer today that if you have a little girl buried inside you, that maybe you will give her the opportunity to speak. She may be scared, and feel weak, and broken, and shamed, and dirty, but if you hold her, if you allow Jesus to hold her, she will speak. She speaks.

If you also feel the call to attend She Speaks, I would greatly encourage you to visit their website. They offer a speakers track, a writers track, and a ministry track. I just know God is going to do some amazing things here, through some amazing women. And you can win a scholarship! For more info on that, click here! I would love to see you there!

Oh, and please drop by Samantha Reed’s blog, Fields of Gold, on Friday where I am honored to be guest posting. I will be telling a bit more of my story, as well as how Christian Counseling and cognitive behavioral therapy can help you jump off the “negative thought train!”

Much blessings and love,

She Speaks Conference


  1. Beautifully worded. Love the testimony here. I love how much we can learn from the hurts in our past. And, you are so right, we gain strength from them. I've been loving the posts at Fields of Gold this week. God's healing rocks!!

    I'm hoping to go to She Speaks too! Hope to meet you and so many other bloggers I've gotten to know and love :)

  2. Enjoyed your post. Very touching.

  3. absolutely bee-yew-tee-full!! i wish i could give 15 year old you; and the girl you were when you allowed her to speak; and you now, a great big hug!! Such transparency is so brave and a breath of fresh air. Thank you for re-visiting those painful moments to offer healing in other's journeys.

    So looking forward to your posts on my blog!!

  4. Thank ya'll so much for all the sweet comments. I just feel so blessed that God has given me an avenue to share my story. I would re-visit those painful moments 100 million more times if it meant helping one other person through their pain. God is so awesome that He takes our darkest moments and turns them into something beautiful.

  5. Very touching! Good luck in the contest!!

  6. Thanks Nichole!!!! Blessings to you too girl in the contest!!!! Your post really left me thinking :)

  7. God is using your story already. You have a powerful voice and I love to hear it. I agree with you -- praying that God would pave the way for all who He wants there. Would love to see you!

  8. Beautiful redemption! Love your words on Samantha's blog, too.

    Many blessings,