Thursday, September 30, 2010


As I was reading back through an old journal, I found a word that I loved. Glueless. I felt glueless. Not just unglued, but glueLESS. Lacking glue, as if the glue had never been applied in the first place. Just kind of like a big blob of parts, lying scattered on the floor in no particular order.

It’s a panicky feeling, glueless that is. Just when you rummage up enough strength to pull yourself back together, someone comes along and pokes you and you fall apart again. And sometimes when you do manage to pull yourself together again, you leave out parts, or you put something in the wrong place, or you just flat out get tired, and lay on the floor in pieces. Glueless.

I have tried the glue of the people variety, which is a nice product. It will help you pull yourself back together, and sometimes will wrap you up in a big hug and guard you from unwanted poking by others, but there is one problem with the people variety. It comes and goes, because this type of glue cannot hold 24/7, nor was it designed to. So although it is an excellent accessory glue, it cannot be the binding glue.

I have also tried the glue of the accomplishments variety. It comes in a very pretty bottle. And it does some nice things. This glue will help you to appear to outsiders as if all your parts are together even when they are not. It is some amazing stuff, but the problem is, it always runs out and you can never get enough. And depending on the prettiness of the bottle, the price can get higher and higher. This is a very nice product, and will create an excellent craft project, but will not hold you together for the long haul, and you ALWAYS need to go out and buy more.

There are so very very many types of glue available, and I have spent a lot of time and money trying as many as possible. But you know, I just haven’t found one that does what I need it to. They all have their good qualities, well most of them that is, but none of them do the job well in all areas. Except for one, and it’s free. But, I have been reluctant to use it; after all, you get what you pay for right? In most situations yes, but this one is a little different.

The beauty of this glue is that it is the best stuff, but completely free of charge. You see, the manufacturer is very wealthy, and He doesn’t need to make money. And His heart is not like ours, He wants everyone to have what He has to offer. Some of us hesitant to pick it up because it sounds too good to be true, or because we feel like it is some type of handout and we would rather see if we can’t take care of things for ourselves first.

But, this glue will hold forever, provided we follow the directions for applying it and apply it daily. The glue doesn’t work unless you use it. His WORD doesn’t STICK unless we let it, unless we apply it. But the beauty of it is that once you pick up this glue, you never have to feel glueless again. It’s a never ending supply. It’s all you need. It can be all you want, and it can become what you crave.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Gimme, gimme, gimme, I NEED I NEED I NEED!!!!

Phillipians 4:4-7
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Please give me peace, please give me peace, please give me peace I found myself saying as I sat in the car today. I couldn't even quiet my mind to pray, or much less to listen, just to whine, oh please God please gimme gimme gimme, I NEED I NEED I NEED!!!!

And then when I finally just took a deep breath and forced myself to relax, here it comes. The thoughts, I think inspired by the Holy Spirit, "You know Steph, I'm not your fairy godmother, I am God. Peace is not something I am going to bibbity bobbity boo you over the head with, it's a choice." And I sit there in the car laughing at a completely innapropriate image of Jesus in a princess fairy godmother dress with a wand!!! Lol! I'm glad God has a sense of humor, and knows I really need a visual to be able to take things in, LOL, He knows me all to well!!!

So then, peace, it is a choice. I choose to accept his peace, with thanksgiving in my heart, rather than whine for it and expect it to just blast into me with some sort of supernatural tap on the head. I choose to beleive He has it all under control, and choose to relinquish my own desire to control over to Him, with a gracious attitude and a humble spirit. And when I do this, the peace comes to guard my heart, the peace that surpasses all understanding, the peace that only He can give, should I choose to recieve it.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Incourage Post...Whispers of Love

If you are hopping on over for a visit from, let me say welcome, and I am so excited and happy that you are here!!!! Jumping up and down, smiling, and giving you big hugs!!! I feel so unbelievably blessed to have the opportunity to share a little love in the awesome beach house community that is incourage. Yayyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

However, I must acknowledge that the topic I write about is heavy. Sexual abuse and or assault, or for that matter abuse or assault of any kind, rips at the hearts of so many women. It cuts straight to the core of the heart and attempts to crush the spirit. However…there is One who goes deeper still. Deeper than the pain, deeper than the agony, deeper than the gut-wrenching thoughts and emotions, and straight into the core of our very being. Jesus, the One and Only who can heal the deepest of wounds, even the ones that still bleed years later.

Just close your eyes and say his name for a minute, Jesus. Let him soak into every single fiber of who you are. Just say his name and rest in it for a minute. Such a beautiful name, such a beautiful Savior, He is amazing. He is healing. Even when the nights seem to last forever and the days are spent in uninvited agony, His name is still there, and He still provides a place of rest, a place to be still. To still your heart, and quiet your soul, to cry your tears. He can calm the deepest of sobs, the kind where your whole body shakes while you curl up on the floor. He can calm that little girl and heal her pain. He can, if I know anything, I know that He can. He loves you with an unfathomable jealous love, and never let’s go. So thankful that He never lets go.

And so thankful that He gives us community through something as modern as the internet, so that when we are hurting we can reach out to others and know that we are not alone. It would be my privilege to pray for you today here on the floor of the incourage beach house. Please leave prayer requests…and I will pray for each and every one by name today and throughout this week. I love you all dear sisters, now let’s dry up any tears and run out onto the sandy beaches, soak up the Son, and play for a's gonna be a beautiful day! Blessings and Love Always! Stephanie

Thursday, September 23, 2010

spiritual deodorant

Fair warning…if you are prim and proper…and an itty bit to much TMI offends you, then you might want to skip this post, LOL! But if not, read on!

I forgot to put on my deodorant yesterday, yep, ewwww, go ahead and gross out if you want, because, yea, it is kinda gross. So, needless to say I spent all day trying not to exert myself to much, hoping that what was applied from the day before might carry me through the day. And it did, I went home smelling rather normal, at least I think so, LOL!

But…it got me thinking…spiritual deodorant. I have been a little stenchy the past couple of days with my attitude and emotions. They have just been downright selfish and stinky. And grant it, circumstances are stressful right now, but still no excuse for bad behavior. And my spiritual deodorant, my Bible, has been sitting on my nightstand a lot lately. I have neglected to apply it every day. Even on the days I pick it up and peruse, sometimes I neglect to apply it. Deodorant doesn’t do you much good if you pick it up and smell it but don’t apply it!

So my challenge for the rest of the week is two things. First, slow down. I have been in such a stressed out hurry that I do silly things like forget to put on my deodorant, slip and go kaboom in the shower, and brush off my quiet time. Second of all, when I do have my quiet time, I need to apply it. So I challenge all you deodorant sniffers out there, who sniff but do not apply to actually apply with me this week. Be it one verse, or a verse a day, whatever works for you, let’s work on taking biblical truth and applying to our lives! And then see what God does, I have full faith it will be amazing, and it certainly will block those stinking selfish emotional outbursts! Love and Blessings always! Stephanie
James 1: 22-27 “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Oh!!!!!!! And, I will be a guest blogger on on Sunday September 26th, this Sunday!!!!! Please visit it and leave a comment!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yayyyyyyyyyyy God for giving me this awesome blessing of an opportunity!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

"It’s hard to be a woman and be strong” - loving words spoken to me by a dear friend.

There is a delicate balance that exists between strength and sensitivity. A balance that I think it is harder for a woman to walk. We are emotional beings, God made us that way, but we are also very very strong. We may not believe it at times, and it may not show up in physical strength, but a woman of Lord, she is anything but weak.

The past few weeks have been rough for my husband’s side of the family. My father in law had a massive heart attack and is continuing his battle in the hospital as I write. And through it all I have seen enormous strength. I have seen it in my father in law as he continues to survive trial after trial, and although he may be too weak for surgery right now, “weak” is the last word I would use to describe him. I have seen it in my husband as he continues to work as a policeman night after night, and spend the time he usually would be sleeping in the hospital day after day. I have seen it in the entire family who despite struggles of their own, continue to support Mike day in and day out. I have seen that it is true that God works in ALL things. But, I have also seen this, as the weeks wear on, at times our own strength somehow begins to wane.

In the past, when my strength begins to fail, I would emotionally shut down. However, through the past year I have learned to ask for help and to let Kevin in on my hurt. I have learned to trust him with my emotions. Which has been awesome! But this time is a little different; Kevin is more exhausted than I am. So yesterday I had a choice to make. I could emotionally blow up all over Kevin knowing he has too much on his plate, or I could give it to God. Well, I didn’t make the best decision. I blew my emotional vomit all over my sweet husband who was already in a state of exhaustion. And then…I did what I should have done and gave it to God.

It is hard to be a woman and be strong. It is hard to want a shoulder to cry on (and although there are multiple shoulders in my life, the only one I want is Kevin’s) and yet at the same time realize that God’s shoulder is big enough and real enough to take on all my tears. And for me, it is hard at times not to be selfish and realize that Kevin will give me what he has when he can (this is more wisdom from my very very wise and loving friend). So, I will be a woman and I will be strong, because a woman of God IS ANYTHING BUT WEAK. He has enough strength to raise the dead, and He has enough strength to calm my emotional seas. He has enough strength to hold my Kevin when I can’t be there, and He has enough strength to heal my father in law. Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Warm Fuzzies

Ephesians 4:17-18
“So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts.”

Sometimes I feel distance from God. It is not something I like to feel. As someone who harbors some abandonment wounds, feeling distance from God is almost unbearable for me. Be it distance that is self-induced because of sin in my life, or just a season where I don’t feel God quite as strong as I have before, distance is just not something I like. I like to feel God laying on me like a thick cozy comfy warming blanket, I like the warm fuzzies . But over the past week, there have been no warm fuzzies to be found!

Has God worked some miracles in the lives of those around me over the past few weeks? Yes he has! Have I seen some prayers answered? Yes I have! Do I know that God is still here and listening? Yes I do! But I want me some fuzzies!
So…I found the verse that is listed at the top of this post. And felt the need to desperately dig into it. So…if you want…you can dig in with me…and we will see what we can find!
In verse 17 Paul pleads with us, insists of us, not to live in futile thinking, purposeless-useless thinking. Ah-ha! I definitely do me some useless thinking, in fact if I am honest, I do me some downright harmful thinking. Trashing myself, trashing others, getting angry and resentful. Yep…not only do I engage in some silly purposeless thoughts, I engage in some downright icky thoughts. So, a step toward the warm fuzzies, clean up my thought life!

Okay, moving on to verse 18. “They are separated from the life of God because of the ignorance (willful neglect or refusal to acquire knowledge which one may acquire) that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts”. Ah-ha again! Ignorance-ignoring knowledge which is right in front of me. I have an entire book of knowledge sitting on my nightstand called the Bible, ummmhmmm, I must confess I am not reading it as much as I was. And is it due to the hardening of my heart, an unyielding unpenetrable heart? Well, um, yea, it could be. I have always struggled with unbelief. That is, struggled with the fact that the things I read in the bible are true. Yea, it says God works together for the good, and that he loves me, but really? I thought I had a soft-squishy heart, but I think it is a little hard! I am not letting the truth that I do read penetrate the depths of my heart!

So…if I want my warm fuzzies back, I know what I have to do! Isn’t it awesome that God really has a plan for everything we need, and will lead us just to the verse we need to get back on track. Clean up my thought life, read the bible, pray for help in overcoming my unbelief, and let what I read penetrate my heart and change my live = warm fuzzies (no more separation from God)! I am on the way to getting my warm fuzzies back!!!!!

Friday, September 17, 2010

Caffienated Randomness: The woman I want to be

“He did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what He had promised.” Romans 4:20-21

She did not waver in unbelief. She is not swayed to the right and to the left. When others come and tell her what they think about this or that, she did not move. She stayed steady in her beliefs. She redirects her mind to the place she knows is true, the spirit that lives in her that is life. She acknowledges that the Bible is truth; God’s word is truth, regardless of her feelings. And He is sovereign, even right now, in this. She did not waver.

She was strengthened in her faith giving glory to God. She watched the things that went on, she watched the pain bubbling out everywhere, yet she gave glory to God. She sat quietly and thanked Him for what she knows is true. That regardless of all circumstances, even in pain, she can be content and strong because of the strength of her God.

She is FULLY persuaded that God has the power to do what he has promised. She does not waver in knowing that He has saved her, and that He has saved every single one who cries out to him. She knows He will take care of her and everyone around her, she knows that even in this He is working in the pain. She knows all things work together for the good.

So she quiets her wandering wavering mind. Knowing that she was made to do so. Knowing that she was never made to carry burdens alone. Knowing that although she cannot fix things, she can fill the gaps with faith. She knows that rest is a choice she makes daily, she can rest in Him, or she can franticly run with the world, but she chooses rest in Him.

Thank you God that I can rest in you, that your scripture speaks the truth and that despite the pain and struggles you can guide my heart to a place of unwavering strength and belief. Please help me to be the she that I write about, the she that I want to be, the woman of God that you can make me. Most of all I ask that you bind the flesh in me, so that through all of this the only words that exit my mouth are words that you speak through me. You are working even in this God. I will quiet my spirit and trust your strength. Humble my spirit, so that I may serve, and do whatever you would have me to do. Don’t let me resist the promptings of the spirit out of fear, and guard my heart and mind from anger, fear, resentment, and bitterness. Bless and keep all of us God. We love you.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Ahead of myself

I think I live in a state that is always ahead of myself. It is like I am constantly stretching out, reaching with all my might towards the next thing, but never able to fully embrace what I have in the present. I hear it all the time, “live in the now”, “enjoy the journey”, “don’t get ahead of yourself”. Yet, time and time again I find myself ahead of myself.

I find myself ahead of myself. We all have a perceived “self”, what we see ourselves as. The self I see is always in the future, never content with where I am at, and always looking to see where I want to be. But it kinda stinks. And it causes some stinky messes in my life. Like, not getting things done that need to be done NOW, because I am too busy making plans for THEN. Always thinking that if I can just get here or there, that I will be content. But every time I get there I am not content. I find myself again looking for the next thing.

This is not the first struggle I have had with this “getting ahead of myself”. It is something I recognize and struggle with time and time again. Something that God and me are working on!!! But just in case you struggle with this too, I wanted to share a few things that are helping me to refocus in the present.

1. A daily “reset” statement. Really it can be anything. For me it usually looks something like this, “God has given you this day, don’t rush through it, don’t hurry through it, enjoy every minute of it” And of course the verse to go along, Matthew 6:34 “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

2. Making a list of what I want to get done TODAY, and doing my best to check those things off. This helps keep my mind focused from getting sidetracked on daydreaming of the future. And this list has to include spending time with my husband and kids, that doesn’t include checking my blackberry and Facebook.

3. A thankful journal. Listing 5 things EVERY day that I am thankful for that day.

4. Stopping, sitting, and breathing. Focusing on the present, feeling my breath and my body exactly where it is at. Noticing things in the environment around me. This helps keep me from getting “lost” inside my head, and refocus me when thoughts are drifting.

5. Realizing I have a choice in what I think about, for the most part. I can choose where I focus my thoughts, and depending on the choice I make, the emotions often follow.

6. Realizing that it is not all about me me me me me me me. Oftentimes, just doing something for someone else every day can help me refocus in the present. When I am constantly looking to become who “I” want to be, it is easy to forget about those around me. Do something for someone other than “me”, every day. For a change, put someone else “ahead of myself”!!!!

Philippians 4:11-13 “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Isaiah 41:10 "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Comma Drama

I kind of don’t have anything to write today, but for whatever reason still feel complelled to write, About what…I have not idea. It’s kind of like I have hit a writers block. If I’m honest I have hit it in more ways than one. There seems to be a never ending comma that is just hanging there to irritate me in the story of my life. Not in all aspects, in my family life things are progressing quite nicely. But professionally, I am at a comma spot. I have the degree I want, I have a lot of things I want, and if I look back on the sentence I just wrote maybe that is the problem The problem that I used the word I 4 times, yes 4 times in once sentence. Hmmmmmm. Could it be that I am living in the I? Could it be that I am living to get what I want? Could it be that I am holding out my cup, and asking God to fill it with all the things I think I want, and it has yet to be filled because the cup cannot be filled selfishness? Hmmmmm. You know commas are there for a reason, they allow a pause, a break in thought before the next thought is introduced. Perhaps the text will resume when I have realized the totality of the thought before the comma. Fullfillment does not come from seeking the things you want, COMMA!!!!, but seeking to serve and know me more through BELEIVING and SERVING.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

But...I'm already more than a good bible study girl

I have read many Encouragement for Today devotionals over the past couple of years. These are the devotionals put out daily by Proverbs 31 ministries, which I love and would definitely recommend subscribing to, they are free! And EVERY time I read one by Lysa Terkeurst, I would LOVE it! And then came the tag line at the end of almost every one, “for more on this topic check out my book “Becoming More Than A Good Bible Study Girl”. And every time I would see the name of this book, there would go my thoughts. “But I am already more than a good bible study girl, what possibly could that book have to offer me, that book is not for me, that book is for people who just go to church and that’s it, I don’t need a book like that” But yet…every time I would read her devotionals the thought would enter my mind that maybe I should pick that book up, and every time my pride would say “nope, you already are more than a good bible study girl”.

So there I am helping a church on Sunday and from across the way I see the bookstore, and there is Lysa’s face staring at me from a book cover, “Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl”. LOL! It was almost as if this book was haunting me. So when I got done helping I wandered over, and picked it up, opened the cover, and low and behold, there were things I could learn from this book! LOL! Shocking that I don’t know it all isn’t it. LOL!

Since then I have started reading this book, and let me tell you that I am quiet certain it was written just for me. And…I have discovered that I still have a looooooooong way to go in becoming more than a good bible study girl. So…yet again…I got my toes stepped on in the most loving kind of way. I would encourage you to check out this book, because even a girl who already believes she is more than a good bible study girl can still use some growth, and for me, A LOT of growth 

Love and Blessings from a Stubborn Sister,

Friday, September 3, 2010

Caffienated Randomness...Itchyness

So I found this way cool blog today, called under grace and over coffee. The link is on the side, check it out! Anyways on Fridays, she does this thing called caffeinated randomness, and I am participating. It is just a random post for Fridays, just a fun post, and then linked to her blog! So here goes, here is my caffeinated randomness.

Lauren got a part in the Nutcracker today, actually two parts. The tiny tot, and the lamb :) I am so very excited, and she is too, LOL! But she did inform me that the lamb costume is the itchyest costume, but she guessed it would be okay. I couldn't help but think, yeah, I have had God ask me to play some itchy parts in my life. Parts I didn't really wanna play, and they made me itch a bit, but I can deal with itchyness if it's what God has for me. Eventually He'll move me along to another part, and I can take of that itchy costume and put back on my princess dress! My caffienated randomness for the day...let God's word scratch the itch :)