What would I call it when I talked about it? Would I have to use the “r” word?
I couldn’t tell her about the sweat, about the touching, about the body parts. What was I going to call the body parts?
They made me cringe just thinking about them. It was as if they were just that. Just body parts. Not even attached to a man or a woman. Just parts that existed. Parts that existed to inflict emotional pain. He did not touch me, He touched parts. He did not hurt me, he hurt parts. He did not rape me, He raped parts. Just parts, that’s it. Nameless, faceless parts in a truck that night. Parts that I left there, and never wanted to talk about again. Buried parts. Parts that I hated. Parts that I despised. Parts that I could never forgive myself for.
That day I talked about it for the first time. The parts. For the first time the parts of me that had never been seen before were now exposed. And when the air hit the wound…it stung…big time.
Over time, my counselor helped me clean the wound, and Jesus began the long process that still continues of healing the wound. It certainly didn’t happen overnight…but somehow Jesus brought me to the point where I could breathe again.
The very parts of my life that Satan had used to bind me to the rock of shame, are now the parts that bind me to the rock of my Savior.
And starting May 29th, God will again astonish me with His use of broken parts as I begin Melissa Taylor’s Online Bible Study using Wendy Blight‘s book “Hidden Joy in a Dark Corner”.
Two years ago…if you ever would have told me that “God could use this”. I would have wanted to slap you. How could God ever use such pain?
My dear sister, I don’t know the answer to "how", or to all the questions we ask about the “why”. But, I do know this. You have a choice. To allow God to take the pain and draw you closer to Him, or to allow it to drive a stake through the core of your heart, never allowing Him to come in.
It’s risky I know. But if there is one thing I know about my Jesus, it is that His word is true. And He tells us, “Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
He’s got you girl…with His right hand He WILL uphold you.
I would love it if you would consider joining me as part of the “Hidden Joy” Bible Study. All you have to do is click here to sign up!
God has already showed His hand in this study in so many ways…don’t let fear hold you back one more day…it’s time to plunge into the His swimming pool of healing…He will teach you how to swim!