Friday, May 20, 2011

because i never had the option not to...

I have been asked multiple times how I forgave. I have racked my brain for an intelligent sounding answer to this question...some wisdom I could impart that would provoke freedom.

But all I have is this...I forgave because there was never an option not to.

Maybe I'm to tender...maybe I'm so bitter that I don't even know it...but honestly...the thought of not forgiving him never entered my mind. I hated myself so much for what happened that to blame it on anyone else would have been too much for me.

For was never him that I had to was myself.

I blamed me for everything that happened. That made it rather easy to cloak my true self in shame...because if anyone ever saw what had happened to me...I was sure they would hate me too. I was damaged goods. Broken.

I have been through therapy...I have received much healing...and honestly...I still struggle with believing it wasn't my fault. But I know that's not true. To live each day to the accept His love as real...his sacrifice as true...I forgive myself....because there was never an option not to.


  1. To forgive is amazingly hard, but to hold on to it all and not have it impact you in a negative way? Impossible.

    I can think of multiple situations in which I held on to that angry bitterness only to watch it tear me up and have little impact on others.

    Love that you wrestle with the real stuff, the hard stuff, here, Stephanie.

  2. Wow, great post. It's harder, I think, to forgive yourself. We're kinder to strangers than we are to ourselves. I'm thankful you've walked through healing and shared your heart here. Beautiful blog, by the way.

  3. I know I've struggled with forgiveness. We are harder on ourselves than others. Thank you Stephanie for your authentic words and the strength they give.

  4. Michelle, I know! The most difficult person to show grace to is often ourselves...

    Mary, THANK YOU! I loved your post today as well!

    Amy, your comments are always so thoughtful...thank you for always being so genuine :)

  5. I think forgiving yourself (myself) is the hardest thing to do. New follower. Donna

  6. Donna!!! Thank you for the follow girl!!! Forgiving ourselves...yes...I think it really is the most difficult...

  7. It's comforting to hear another woman say that they feel fault on them self even though they know it wasn't. I think that's where I've been stuck for 15 years!!! 15 long years! I am so looking forward to the Hidden Joy study, looking forward to examining all the parts of my grief and shame and pain, and finding a way to put them to good use. And I look forward to reading your thoughts along the way, too! Thanks for sharing... takes a lot of courage to do so.

  8. I have spent the last 30 years blaming myself for the sexual abuse that I suffered. Thanks to the Hidden Joy study as well as reading your blog and reading all the comments, I have made a decision to forgive my abuser. It is something that I have prayed about for years and I have actually had a letter for about 9 months now waiting to get to the point of truely knowing that I forgive him, and I have finally printed it and will be mailing it today. My heart is pounding, but I feel so much pride as well. I am finally setting myself free once and for all. Thank you Stephanie for your kind words and I look forward to the conference calls with you and to continuing to follow your blog here. Blessings to all of you,
    Angie W.