I have been asked multiple times how I forgave. I have racked my brain for an intelligent sounding answer to this question...some wisdom I could impart that would provoke freedom.
But all I have is this...I forgave because there was never an option not to.
Maybe I'm to tender...maybe I'm so bitter that I don't even know it...but honestly...the thought of not forgiving him never entered my mind. I hated myself so much for what happened that to blame it on anyone else would have been too much for me.
For me...it was never him that I had to forgive...it was myself.
I blamed me for everything that happened. That made it rather easy to cloak my true self in shame...because if anyone ever saw what had happened to me...I was sure they would hate me too. I was damaged goods. Broken.
I have been through therapy...I have received much healing...and honestly...I still struggle with believing it wasn't my fault. But I know that's not true. To live each day to the fullest...to accept His love as real...his sacrifice as true...I forgive myself....because there was never an option not to.