When I first read this phrase as part of the sexual abuse study I am doing, I was a little turned off. Fantasy bonding? Who would do that anyways? And what the heck is that? Fantasy bonding…that just sounds weird.
I should know by now that when I am that turned off by something, it is probably a sign that I might be in denial about something…hmmmm…yep…that was the case.
Fantasy bonding is when we create a fantasy in our minds about a relationship. For example, a child being abused may create a fantasy that their parents are loving and kind. Or a woman in an abusive relationship may be blind to the things her spouse has done to hurt her, and only see the parts of the relationship that seem “loving” to her.
Fantasy bonding may or may not be something we have created on our own. Oftentimes abusers kind of “infuse” their victims with the “truth” they want them to believe. For example, that they are showing the child love when they sexually abuse them. Or they only beat them bloody to teach them a lesson…because they love them.
Our minds try to protect us. The things that are happening to the victim are so inherently wrong, that the mind would much rather just accept the fantasy than face the truth.
The one who date raped me did this. He had me believing he wanted all of me physically because he loved me so much. He had me believing that I was hurting him by withholding sex. And when I said no, he took it anyways. And for years, I still believed that this was his “right” because he was my boyfriend. I had a fantasy relationship with him, and when I finally was forced to face the truth…it was ugly.
But you know…the thing about Jesus…is that He is the truth. No lies.
It seems like a fantasy doesn’t it?…that He could love us like He does, but it’s not.
It seems like a fantasy that we are princesses to Him…that He forgives us and removes our sins as far as the east is from the west. It seems to good to be true. But IT’S NOT!
He is our one true fairytale ending…He is our prince of peace, and we are His beloved princes and princesses! He wipes our tears and bestows upon us a crown of beauty instead of ashes.
Go ahead, fantasy bond with Jesus, because with Jesus, it’s much more than fantasy, it’s the truth!
Linking up with Tiffi today at Word Women Wednesday!!!
yes..I think think this fantasy bonding is true. I know it well and I've chosen to have my fairytale ending with Jesus. Honestly, I know He restores and in real life He does so with happy families, a good man and lots of life's "stuff" but He reminded me this morning that as unique as each one of us are HOW He restores and what THAT will look like won't necessarily mean the prince charming fairytale ending. And so, I'm good with that. If I have to live the rest of my life with just Jesus that is more than enough yes? I love what your exploring now Steph:)
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