Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Swirling in a Dustcloud of Achievements

My mind could be summed up quite well in one word, “swirling”. Yes, I have one of those minds that just swirls and swirls things around in my head over and over again until something knocks me over the head and makes me stop!

Lately it seems as if I am swirling in a dust cloud of achievements. I am making progress, accomplishing things, yes things are going well. However, I am still swirling. Swirling and twirling for more. They never seem to fill me up, nor were they designed to. But yet I swirl and twirl and strive for the one achievement that will make me say, “That’s it! I can now know that I am okay!” I have had several things that I hoped would be “it”, but every time they disappoint. They provide momentary satisfaction, but soon I am left with that same nagging feeling of emptiness.

And I am stubborn, I really am unsure how many times or how much it will take for me to say that I have had enough and I will just seek joy and contentment from Him. Apparently, I really enjoy circling the mountain of achievements. Circles and circles I run in, and along the path, I do enjoy achievements. But what is at the base of the mountain is much less satisfying that what is at the top. So I have a choice to make, run circles around the bottom or stop dead in my tracks and hike a new trail up the mountain. And from here, at the bottom, it looks impossible to climb. So today, I think I will start with just flattening myself out before the mountain, flat on the floor, and asking for strength to begin to climb.


Post a Comment