Redemption. The forgiveness of sins. What a blessing, what a gift. We have absolutely nothing to offer Him, yet he chooses us. What a privilege. Not only do we get to be forgiven, but we get to use the gift of forgiveness and redemption to bring others to Christ. He not only forgives us, but sends us to a place where we can share that forgiveness with others. We may not always say the right things, or do the right things. But that is the beauty of it all. For the times we have fallen, and the times others have watched us flounder, we get to share with them how we were lifted out. Even the times when we fall our hardest, there is no loss. Because the times when we fall the hardest God will show His glory the most. His glory, the only thing that could have possibly pulled us out of our mess, and others see that.
I keep asking him when he is going to allow me to speak. He has redeemed my life, when will I have the opportunity to speak about it? I don’t want to be ungrateful for the opportunities He has given me to write, but I want to speak. And yet every time I have tried to speak lately, I have floundered over my words, almost as if He is muting me for now, and He is. Kind of saving me from myself.
I think He sometimes withholds opportunities because it is not time yet. We are not ready yet. I am still recovering and learning how to be me, minus the fake me. I am not ready to speak yet. I first have to find comfort and confidence in my skin. I have to gain a sense of comfort in being who I really am, minus the smiley façade. Then I will be ready to speak. When I am ready to listen, and ready to be still, and ready to say the things He would have me say, then he will gift me with speech. Until then, He will allow me to write, find Stephanie, and recover. Then, when I have been still long enough, redemption. He will speak through me because I will be blank enough to allow it. It requires a complete blankening of the slate before He can speak through us. Emptied of ourselves, and then and only then will we be ready for Him to speak through us.
Just hold on sweet girl. Just hold on throughout the pain. Once it all bleeds out, you will be ready to be refilled. And when you are refilled, you will be filled with the spirit. And I will speak through you. Just not yet, for now rest in redemption. Wherever you are, rest in redemption, knowing you are exactly where God wants you to be.