Sunday, August 22, 2010

Happy New Year!!!

Lauren and Ryan both go back to school tomorrow! I am a bit sad, a bit anxious, a bit excited, and a bit uncertain. For some reason, this new start to the school year is reminding me of New Year’s resolutions. Although, the year on the calendar is not changing, in a way this seems like the start to a new year more than it did in January. So I am challenging myself. It’s a new school year, and I feel called to make some changes.

Last year was difficult, at the start of the school year, I was studying for the NCE which was enough to make a girl crazy in and of itself. However, I was also still trudgeing through depths of past issues and depression. I was not the mom I wanted to be last year. Too consumed with my own issues and depression, I was not emotionally available to my children or my husband like I wanted to be. Not that I am faulting myself for these things, this was just a difficult season in my life where some baggage needed to be dropped, painfully dropped. But this year is different, it is kind of a year of new beginnings. This year, no matter what I am feeling, He IS my hope and my strength.

This year I want to not just struggle through the days, and go to bed at night thinking I survived another day. I want to enjoy myself, not selfishly, but I want to enjoy giving to others. I want to enjoy loving people. I want to enjoy loving my kids, and loving my husband. I want to enjoy cooking for them. I want to enjoy sending cards to their teachers just because I know how hard of a job they have. I want to enjoy reaching out to the students I see, because God may use me to speak the truth of His love in their lives. I want God to work an incredible amazing work in the moms group I lead. I want to go on a walk to Emmaus. I want to refocus my passions. I want to give depression a kick in the booty once and for all, and tell Satan that He doesn’t stand a chance against God’s truth. It’s a new year. It’s a new beginning. I pray that God will do some amazing things, and I want to drop myself at His feet as a willing vessel to do His will. I just want to love, like Jesus loved, holding nothing back.

1 comment:

  1. Amen! I hope you get everything your heart desires! I'm going to forward you an email that really helped me in regards to my past. Let me know if you don't receive it.