Feelings as a year has passed

Well, here I am. On January 9th will be the one year anniversary of this blog. I can hardly believe it. Coming from a girl who hardly ever follows through with much of anything, this truly is a feat of amazing grace and a testament to God’s amazing power. I am amazed…….and yet I stand a bit confused.

Looking back over past posts, I began to realize how quickly I have forgotten some of the lessons I thought I had learned. I began to see areas of growth that had begun, but quickly withered back away as I hurried past them to get to the next thing.

In some posts I can see how deep the hurt was running, and I can remember the tears that welled as I wrote. In some posts I can tell that I was just posting something to have a post for that day, LOL. And in some posts I can remember the joy of small battles won, and tastes of victory from bondage I thought I would never escape.

This blog definitely is holding true to it’s name, a JOURNEY of healing. And while some things have not changed in this journey, I can tell you one thing that has. I REFUSE to be in a hurry any longer. I refuse to rush myself through one phase and to the next before I fully breathe in every grain of knowledge God meant for me to gain. Because anything else is cutting myself short. How can I truly grow from an experience if I am constantly looking to get to the next thing.

I battled and battled within myself, looking for some kind of “New Years Resolution”. Should I set one? Should I not? Are they silly? Are they doomed for failure? And I wondered and I wondered, and had about concluded that there was not one needed for this year, that is until tonight. Tonight when I sat down, I realized what a beautiful journey I RAN to get through. I complained and griped to God just about every step of the way, and begged for Him to just hurry up already and FIX me. But you know what, the truth is I won’t ever be FIXED till I get to heaven. This Journey of Healing, it is a lifelong process of healing. And I want to feel every single solitary ounce of healing balm that He has to offer me. I want to bathe in it and soak it in rather than running out of the bathtub screaming - I GOT WET - DRY ME OFF NOW!!!!

And in my looking back through my posts…I found this poem...which perhaps says it best of all. Perhaps more meaningful to me know than at the time I wrote it. Blessings to you all, and may you enjoy the journey…for it passes much to quickly.


I do not ask to understand the way that I should go
I will simply follow thee on the path I do not know
I cannot see in front of me and the night seems to never end
Although I'm scared and lost right now I trust you for the end
I've asked for healing so many times and it seems as if ignored
But now I see that I must bow down if I wish to be restored
Pridefully I've touted how much I've done and how much I know
But you require none of that for mercy to begin to flow
You require a heart that bends humbly at your throne
Stripped of pride and emptied-all thats left is a spirts groan
And then when the self has realized that she cannot save her soul
Its then she finds her way back to the one who fills the hole
For only in our emptiness can God begin anew
He humbles that our eyes may see the sin and how it grew
And grow it did with pride to nourish the leaves of disbeleif
Until God cut it to the quick with never ending grief
And so it seems as if the end, as if a part has died
But a new beginning around the bend, yes he felt the tears I cried
So I do not ask where I am going, I really don't need to know
All that's needed is a humble heart that's willing to let go