Monday, January 17, 2011

Delivery anyone?!?!

Today I started a new book, Shelia Walsh’s “Let go”. I wasn’t really sure what it was about, but I know I have loved everything I have read by Sheila, and she was my fav speaker at Women of Faith, and it was on the $3.00 shelf at Mardel, so I picked it up! As I sat outside (it was a beautiful 69 degrees here today!!!) reading it, she mentioned being delivered. I let out a little giggle. Delivered. What does that mean? To be delivered. Does it mean I need to go in the kitchen, poor sauce all over myself, find some pepperoni and cheese and flatten myself into a pizza? That way, when I am delivered, I will be ready? Just what does it mean to be delivered?

And, although I would like to report that upon reading that God would deliver me, I had immediate faith and trust that He absolutely would, that didn’t happen. Instead, I just kind of scoffed at the thought, thinking, boy does God have his work cut out if He is going to deliver ME. I have done tried to be delivered, and it hasn’t happened yet. Delivered. Yeah right, thanks for the lovely thoughts Sheila, but it just isn’t gonna happen.

But I haven’t been able to get the word out of my head since. I almost ordered a pizza just to see if it might give me some divine insight into what an actual live delivery might look like, maybe I would notice something I hadn’t before about delivery. But, I resorted to cooking spaghetti instead, which I promptly delivered to the hungry mouths at my dinner table.

And perhaps my sarcastic thoughts came so quickly because of the week I have had. I have really made some strides over the past couple of years in the areas of what my counselor would call “beating myself up” and feelings of shame and fears of abandonment. But not this week, I blew it all to smitherines, or at least that’s the way it felt. I had an uber large reaction to an uber small incident. So…today, deliverance seemed like something that had worked for a few months, but had failed to bring me all the way home.

And therein lies the problem, at times I tend to rely on myself and the wisdom of well-intentioned others to deliver me. And they may be able to carry me for a while, but they can’t carry me all the way home. And I may be able to walk myself for quite a while, covered in pizza sauce-cheese-and pepperoni if I so desire, but I will never be able to walk myself all the way to freedom.

And God still does have His work cut out for Him if He is going to deliver me, because at times I am super stubborn and not willing to do the work on my part that a delivery might require. At times, I’d rather curl up in my blanket of self-doubt and denial that be delivered anywhere. But, then I would just be a moldy pizza with no where to go, so maybe I’ll think about delivery!

7 comments:

  1. boy..is this up my ally or what? I have her latest book on order at our library and I'm still #18 I think...
    wonder why I keep seeing Letting go lately??
    don't curl up...praying you sense His arms holding you tight...even if we can act like moldy pizzas sometimes..you've got a friend messing around in the sauce too;)
    xo

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  2. LOL, Tiffini! If you are talking about "beautiful things happen when a woman trusts God" I am listening to it on tape as I get time right now, and it is fantastic! However the "Letting Go" is pretty awesome so far, think I might actually like it better because it seems to be more applicable to my place in life. Don't you just love Sheila! I can always hear her amazing accent as I read her books and it makes me smile :)

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  3. It's such the balance, isn't it? Being willing, but letting God do the work. Being open, but letting God fill. Taking the first step, but letting God lead you home.

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  4. I've heard Shelia speak, but I've never read her books. $3.00? Now that's a deal.

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  5. Allowing Him to work - one of the hardest things any one of us can do! It takes faith...so hard, so very hard.

    M.

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  6. I have to admit "delivery" is not a word I've thought about much myself either! Good thoughts here Stephanie, I'm thankful I was able to visit and I believe God will be bringing the word to mind again in the days ahead!

    Thanks also for visiting my blog and sharing your thoughts! God's put the issue of identity on my heart and I'm looking to do a weekly post so if you have a chance I'd love to hear more from you!! Blessings, Jill

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  7. Hey, I just came across your blog by doing a bit of blog-surfing, and I'm glad I did! I've added myself as your newest follower, and I hope you'll check out my Christian devotional site as well: www.nocondemnation81.blogspot.com

    Have a blessed day!

    In Christ,
    Dakota

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