Saturday, January 9, 2010

Day 1 Devotional-Silence can be a friend or foe!

Day 1
Silence. How it can be deafening. How we can fear nothingness, silence, how painful it can be, seeming as if it is unbearable at times. So we seek to fill the silence with whatever we can. Be it work, household chores, hobbies, text messages, internet, prescription drugs, another glass of wine. Whatever it takes to break the silence, or numb the pain. Because to have both, the silence and the pain would seem unbearable. So we seek to rid ourselves of one or the other. Some of us would rather break the silence with busyness, the workaholic types. We work and we work and we do and we do and we do more so that we don’t have a moment to sit still with our thoughts. Others of us have more of a tendency to numb utilizing whatever is available, so that we don’t have to feel. Weather we numb or work ourselves to death, we are both hiding. Hiding from the feelings we have, maybe if we hid out long enough they will wander off and find someone else to pester and consume. However, it never seems to happen, they always stay, and we cannot hide forever. Eventually they catch up with us. And here we are, alone in our silence, except for our thoughts, they never seem to leave us alone. But there is another who never leaves us alone. Although we can’t always feel his presence, and it may seem as if he is in a far off distant land, prayers hitting the ceiling, and here we are, feeling alone in this cold dark room. Scared, afraid, lonely, hurting.
My darling, you can’t always see him, you can’t always feel him, but he is always there, you are never alone. Return to him and he will return to you. He is waiting, with open arms. Close your eyes and fall into his loving embrace, and for just a few moments, embrace the silence, let the feelings come. Just for today, for this moment, let the tears fall, let the feelings come, knowing you are safe in the arms of the father. Let them pour out from your heart as you relax into his loving embrace. Curl up with a pillow if you need to, clutch your bible if it helps you, hold onto anything you can to remind you that he is there, to help you feel his presence more. And darling let go of those tears, you have held on long enough. You have been strong long enough. There is no need to be strong right now, he has enough strength for the both of you. Let him hold you, let him love you, let your heart open up just a little, just enough for a few of those tears to fall, and leave the rest up to him. Cry as long as you need, or if you don’t feel the need to cry, just sit silently in his presence. Sit silently, just you, God, and yes, your feelings, just let them be, feel them, and pour them out before God. It doesn’t have to be pretty, just pour it out. He loves you my darling, he loves you always.

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