Joanna, tough question to answer...because everyone is so different, but I will do my best. Jesus was sent to "bind up the brokenhearted" sometimes that binding process is a bit painful and may invovle the resurgance of painful memories, so that they are no longer internal and held over you, but processed through so that you can be set free of them. I know when I first started counseling, my memoires went nutso, they were all the time. So I wrote a lot, I talked about it a lot, and i got brutally honest with God and those around me. No more hiding my hurt, but rather just laying it out there. I wish I could tell you how exactly it happened, but over time the memories lost strength and I don't have them near as often. I do know that until we air the dirty laundry (memories) it continues to build up a stench so maybe you need to find a trusted friend or counselor to talk about these things with. But for WHEN you are having the memories, don't sit and let them fester inside of you. Go for a walk, do some deep breathing, journal, describe teh things around you, whatever works for you to get through the moment, and just know that THEY WILL GET LESS FREQUENT AND POWERFUL...but it does take time. Does that help at all?
Also Joanna, I lead a support group called Shelter from the Storm for survivors of sexual abuse through my church. I don't know if your church or a local churchoffers anything like that, but it might be worth looking into. Anyone can order the book so maybe someone would be willing to lead it at your church.
Hi Steph thank you that helps me a bunch :) I am working with a therapist. It's true the memories are coming all the time. They are memories of emotional abuse from my first boyfriend 20 years ago. He tries to come back to my life and I am trying to keep away but the memories of all the horrible things he did to me won't stop and then I want to run to him , makes no sense to me--- shouldn't I wanna stay away. I feel so defeated right now but I know God will come through,
Thanks for the video. It was just what I needed to wake up to this morning after a rough weekend were I was ready to throw in the towel last night. You understand & that helps!
This is Tricia. I haven't figured out how to get it to show my name one here. The previous anonymous post was me too. Here's a verse I came across this morning, during my quiet time, that spoke to me. Here it is...
Romans 15:4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope.
Already read part of Chapter 3 and have to say that i have highlighted much of the chapter as Wendy's story could be my exact story at that point, except where she is only years from her attack ~ I have missed out on 30+ years of living. Makes me very sad how much I missed in life.
chapter 3 really has me thinking. As well as a little sad (which has me worried bc I can so go back to that place so easily right now and wallow in sadness), a little uncomfortable, questioning and hopeful (which is why my response is sad bc part of me is eager, another part says remember don't get your hopes up that way you won't be disappointed when true healing doesn't come for you)
Thank you Stephanie. I am really looking forward to tonight! Also, Romans 15:4 is an awesome verse, what a great reminder that the bible isn't just stories, but it is for our lives today!
Wow.I was molested by my oldest brother and my parents told me "It happens" I adored my parents and just in the last year have I discovered that is wrong--in that it is not right and I was invalidated. I deveoped foot pain that has left me barely able to walk and finally a year ago went to a councelor. I am not nuts, I don't have any want to not walk--just all the pain repressed is manifesting in my body. Please pray for healing for me as I live in a gorgeous place and was very active. Blessings and prayers to all.
To post your name click on name/URL. URL is if you have a website or blog, but you don't have to fill that information in u can put just your name, hope that helps
I listened to this three times today and I loved every word! I especially loved what you had to say about our story being written by God. He truly is the author and perfecter of our faith, He knows what He is doing and He loves us so much more than we could ever possibly imagine.
The way you walked through II Cor 3:16-18 totally made them come alive for me. I have them highlighted, marked, and dated in my Bible. Can't wait until the call tonight!
I love your vlog today! It made so much sense to me. I also wanted to comment on a comment from above where you said you talked about what happened and about your memories a lot. I had a very dear friend of mine tell me that once you share a painful memory with someone that you trust that it brings it out into the light and lessens the burden of that painful memory by sharing it with someone else. It is like now that trusted friend helps you to carry that burden and so it becomes weaker and has less control over you. Also by bringing it out into the light we can see it for what it is and it helps to take away all the hidden shame and darkness of the painful memory. I hope that makes sense.
I posted this on Melissa's blog too but thought I should here too since this is where we are today:
Page 35: Wendy talks about being in constant fear. ** Here is something that I had never realized until reading that. She knew why she was afraid but for me I never knew why I was afraid of the dark or being alone…well not really, I just thought it was from the violence in my parents marriage and the things I witnessed as a child. I just always knew that bad things happened in the dark and at night. Which ties in with what Stephanie said above about confronting the trauma, the memories and that little girl…..I have NO recollection of the abuse except the intense fear, the smells and the fact that I can not to this day go into a closet with the lights off and the door shut. I have had bits and pieces come to me in my nightmares but I never remember it when I wake up. How can I confront the trauma and that little girl if I have blocked most of my childhood? And do I really want to remember?
Any thoughts would be great!!! Today has been a very difficult day with Chapter 3.
What a great vlog! You are too precious and cute! Seriously. You crinkle your nose.:-)
I love when people speak about God being the author of our stories. It stirs the writer in me and I get the visual of 'my' book in the Father's hands. Oh, His precious hands!
In Christ, Danielle sojournerdkj.blogspot.com
*Blogger hates me for some unknown reason right now. I can't sign in and post or it boots me.
Stephanie, Have you heard of a bokk called "Wounded Hearts"? That's the book my counselor suggested for me to read. I also am working in the workbook that goes along with it. I'm actually finding the workbook to be more helpful than the book. It's a workbook that's hard in the sense that it really makes you look deep within to be able to answer the questions honestly. As it least for me it has. It does help though even when the questions stir up emotions & memories that are painful, I know that I'm really being honest with myself when that happens & that helps. I'm taking that workbook slow. I even left it with my counselor last week because I needed a break from it & knew I wouldn't take that break if it was here. That plus the counselor would have a chance to read over it, see what my answers were & where my thought process is. That's hard to allow someone else to read what you wrote but I know that when I do that then she can better help me. I get the workbook back tomorrow & my plan is to keep taking it slow because when I try to do too much then my mood starts to get affected way too much. Learned that lesson already. I just wondered if that is a book you had heard of.
Thanks, girl! My iPhone has the Bible as an app. I was reading along in 2 Corinthians on it & it was set to the NASB version since that is what my Sunday School teacher uses. In it, vs 18 says, "But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord are being transformed into the same image...". Think that is cool! How the more we come to know Christ, we eventually begin to see only Him & His glory when we look at our lives and that is what others begin to see in us as well. Our "story" completely changes when we give to Him to use for His glory. Good stuff!
Btw, "snooped" (lol) on your FB page last night. OMStars! That Beth Moore video was gooood! Love me some Southern, Jesus girls bring the Word! (I'm from South Carolina & the one that posted on Melissa's blog last week about we "good" Southern girls are taught not to talk about our "business", but, oh, how God can release it & use it when we do!)
I'm so glad I got to "meet" you doing this study. Thank you for thus post!
Hi Veronica, I just read your post. I don't know if this would help. But maybe you can share with God this concern you have (that you have blocked most of the memories out) and ask Him to reveal to you what you need to heal....He will reveal to you in His time, He knows when and if you will be emotionally and psychologically prepared to remember it. And maybe you will be able to heal, through Him, without having those memories completely brought to mind. I'm not sure if that makes any sense.
Erin, thank you and it makes perfect sense!!! You are right on all counts, God needs to be the one who either shows me the memories or let's me know I don't have to remember!! Why us it so hard for me to go to God first when I question stuff like this?!? I have been a Christian forever and yet that is not my first course of action :(. Thank you for the reminder!!!
thank you for being there Stephanie, I have a severely traumatic past like so many here. For years I have looked like the one who has life all together, but inside I suffered all the time. Church kept preaching for us to dig into the parts of our hearts we kept hidden from him. I did that and have been suffering ever since. Being honest about what is really happening inside has not been accepted well by the world around me. Now I am torn between honestly working through the issues and just hiding them again and going on with life as it was before. Stephanie @ kingston
Hi Steph, thank you I was a little down n that video helped me
ReplyDeleteWhat should we do with any memories that come up? Should we ask the Lord to take them away?
ReplyDeleteJoanna, tough question to answer...because everyone is so different, but I will do my best. Jesus was sent to "bind up the brokenhearted" sometimes that binding process is a bit painful and may invovle the resurgance of painful memories, so that they are no longer internal and held over you, but processed through so that you can be set free of them. I know when I first started counseling, my memoires went nutso, they were all the time. So I wrote a lot, I talked about it a lot, and i got brutally honest with God and those around me. No more hiding my hurt, but rather just laying it out there. I wish I could tell you how exactly it happened, but over time the memories lost strength and I don't have them near as often. I do know that until we air the dirty laundry (memories) it continues to build up a stench so maybe you need to find a trusted friend or counselor to talk about these things with. But for WHEN you are having the memories, don't sit and let them fester inside of you. Go for a walk, do some deep breathing, journal, describe teh things around you, whatever works for you to get through the moment, and just know that THEY WILL GET LESS FREQUENT AND POWERFUL...but it does take time. Does that help at all?
ReplyDeleteAlso Joanna, I lead a support group called Shelter from the Storm for survivors of sexual abuse through my church. I don't know if your church or a local churchoffers anything like that, but it might be worth looking into. Anyone can order the book so maybe someone would be willing to lead it at your church.
ReplyDeleteHi Steph thank you that helps me a bunch :) I am working with a therapist.
ReplyDeleteIt's true the memories are coming all the time. They are memories of emotional abuse from my first boyfriend 20 years ago. He tries to come back to my life and I am trying to keep away but the memories of all the horrible things he did to me won't stop and then I want to run to him , makes no sense to me--- shouldn't I wanna stay
away. I feel so defeated right now but I know God will come through,
Love u steph!!!! :) thank u for this.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the video. It was just what I needed to wake up to this morning after a rough weekend were I was ready to throw in the towel last night. You understand & that helps!
ReplyDeleteThis is Tricia. I haven't figured out how to get it to show my name one here. The previous anonymous post was me too.
ReplyDeleteHere's a verse I came across this morning, during my quiet time, that spoke to me. Here it is...
Romans 15:4
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope.
Already read part of Chapter 3 and have to say that i have highlighted much of the chapter as Wendy's story could be my exact story at that point, except where she is only years from her attack ~ I have missed out on 30+ years of living. Makes me very sad how much I missed in life.
ReplyDeletechapter 3 really has me thinking. As well as a little sad (which has me worried bc I can so go back to that place so easily right now and wallow in sadness), a little uncomfortable, questioning and hopeful (which is why my response is sad bc part of me is eager, another part says remember don't get your hopes up that way you won't be disappointed when true healing doesn't come for you)
ReplyDeleteThank you Stephanie. I am really looking forward to tonight! Also, Romans 15:4 is an awesome verse, what a great reminder that the bible isn't just stories, but it is for our lives today!
ReplyDeleteWe will get there, at times we feel down but then Hope shows up :).
ReplyDeleteHe works on one issue at a time
Wow.I was molested by my oldest brother and my parents told me "It happens" I adored my parents and just in the last year have I discovered that is wrong--in that it is not right and I was invalidated. I deveoped foot pain that has left me barely able to walk and finally a year ago went to a councelor. I am not nuts, I don't have any want to not walk--just all the pain repressed is manifesting in my body. Please pray for healing for me as I live in a gorgeous place and was very active. Blessings and prayers to all.
ReplyDeleteI posted the anonymous comment and can't figure how to put my name? What is URL?
ReplyDeleteTo post your name click on name/URL. URL is if you have a website or blog, but you don't have to fill that information in u can put just your name, hope that helps
ReplyDeleteI listened to this three times today and I loved every word! I especially loved what you had to say about our story being written by God. He truly is the author and perfecter of our faith, He knows what He is doing and He loves us so much more than we could ever possibly imagine.
ReplyDeleteThe way you walked through II Cor 3:16-18 totally made them come alive for me. I have them highlighted, marked, and dated in my Bible. Can't wait until the call tonight!
Thanks for your dedication to all of us!
ReplyDeleteHave a beautiful day full of love and blessings!
Thanks for posting this. God is everyone's author.
ReplyDeleteI love your vlog today! It made so much sense to me. I also wanted to comment on a comment from above where you said you talked about what happened and about your memories a lot. I had a very dear friend of mine tell me that once you share a painful memory with someone that you trust that it brings it out into the light and lessens the burden of that painful memory by sharing it with someone else. It is like now that trusted friend helps you to carry that burden and so it becomes weaker and has less control over you. Also by bringing it out into the light we can see it for what it is and it helps to take away all the hidden shame and darkness of the painful memory. I hope that makes sense.
ReplyDeleteI posted this on Melissa's blog too but thought I should here too since this is where we are today:
ReplyDeletePage 35: Wendy talks about being in constant fear. ** Here is something that I had never realized until reading that. She knew why she was afraid but for me I never knew why I was afraid of the dark or being alone…well not really, I just thought it was from the violence in my parents marriage and the things I witnessed as a child. I just always knew that bad things happened in the dark and at night. Which ties in with what Stephanie said above about confronting the trauma, the memories and that little girl…..I have NO recollection of the abuse except the intense fear, the smells and the fact that I can not to this day go into a closet with the lights off and the door shut. I have had bits and pieces come to me in my nightmares but I never remember it when I wake up. How can I confront the trauma and that little girl if I have blocked most of my childhood? And do I really want to remember?
Any thoughts would be great!!! Today has been a very difficult day with Chapter 3.
What a great vlog! You are too precious and cute! Seriously. You crinkle your nose.:-)
ReplyDeleteI love when people speak about God being the author of our stories. It stirs the writer in me and I get the visual of 'my' book in the Father's hands. Oh, His precious hands!
In Christ,
Danielle
sojournerdkj.blogspot.com
*Blogger hates me for some unknown reason right now. I can't sign in and post or it boots me.
Hi Stephanie,
ReplyDeleteIt is such a blessing to me to see the love of Christ in you. May God bless you!!! :)
Stephanie, Have you heard of a bokk called "Wounded Hearts"? That's the book my counselor suggested for me to read. I also am working in the workbook that goes along with it. I'm actually finding the workbook to be more helpful than the book. It's a workbook that's hard in the sense that it really makes you look deep within to be able to answer the questions honestly. As it least for me it has. It does help though even when the questions stir up emotions & memories that are painful, I know that I'm really being honest with myself when that happens & that helps. I'm taking that workbook slow. I even left it with my counselor last week because I needed a break from it & knew I wouldn't take that break if it was here. That plus the counselor would have a chance to read over it, see what my answers were & where my thought process is. That's hard to allow someone else to read what you wrote but I know that when I do that then she can better help me. I get the workbook back tomorrow & my plan is to keep taking it slow because when I try to do too much then my mood starts to get affected way too much. Learned that lesson already. I just wondered if that is a book you had heard of.
ReplyDeleteThanks, girl! My iPhone has the Bible as an app. I was reading along in 2 Corinthians on it & it was set to the NASB version since that is what my Sunday School teacher uses. In it, vs 18 says, "But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord are being transformed into the same image...". Think that is cool! How the more we come to know Christ, we eventually begin to see only Him & His glory when we look at our lives and that is what others begin to see in us as well. Our "story" completely changes when we give to Him to use for His glory. Good stuff!
ReplyDeleteBtw, "snooped" (lol) on your FB page last night. OMStars! That Beth Moore video was gooood! Love me some Southern, Jesus girls bring the Word! (I'm from South Carolina & the one that posted on Melissa's blog last week about we "good" Southern girls are taught not to talk about our "business", but, oh, how God can release it & use it when we do!)
I'm so glad I got to "meet" you doing this study. Thank you for thus post!
Hi Veronica,
ReplyDeleteI just read your post. I don't know if this would help. But maybe you can share with God this concern you have (that you have blocked most of the memories out) and ask Him to reveal to you what you need to heal....He will reveal to you in His time, He knows when and if you will be emotionally and psychologically prepared to remember it. And maybe you will be able to heal, through Him, without having those memories completely brought to mind. I'm not sure if that makes any sense.
Erin, thank you and it makes perfect sense!!! You are right on all counts, God needs to be the one who either shows me the memories or let's me know I don't have to remember!! Why us it so hard for me to go to God first when I question stuff like this?!? I have been a Christian forever and yet that is not my first course of action :(. Thank you for the reminder!!!
ReplyDeletethank you for being there Stephanie, I have a severely traumatic past like so many here. For years I have looked like the one who has life all together, but inside I suffered all the time. Church kept preaching for us to dig into the parts of our hearts we kept hidden from him. I did that and have been suffering ever since. Being honest about what is really happening inside has not been accepted well by the world around me. Now I am torn between honestly working through the issues and just hiding them again and going on with life as it was before.
ReplyDeleteStephanie @ kingston