Hey girls! If you all are hopping over from Melissa Taylor’s page…let me give you a big southern girl welcome!!!!
Thank you so much for stopping by my blog…it’s a work in progress, a lot like me!
I started this page about a year and a half ago, and it’s original name was “Journey of Healing”. It began out of me seriously needing some support from some sisters in Christ who were going through the same things that I was. At the time I began writing I was still somewhat buried in the throes of depression and still grieving strongly over the loss of my perfectionistic image.
You see, admitting that I was a victim of date rape was hard for me. I had worked for 10 plus years to mask the fact that I had been violated, because I believed like so many survivors do, that it was my fault.
In that 10 years a lost much of who I was, as I just kind of walked around morphing into whatever the next person wanted me to be. Not letting anyone in to see my true self, that was TOO dangerous.
But eventually, the Stephanie that lived underneath the perfection got lonely. She started to cry out in the form of panic attacks, and explosive anger and control, depression, overachieving, and lying to cover anything up that might not have lived up to my expectations of myself.
Something had to give. And give it did. I was like a whale who’s gigantic blow-hole finally exploded and the gush of water that came out shocked me and others around me…I won’t lie…it was scary.
But…sitting here now…I know why…and it was more than worth it.
I know that so many of you think that you are not able to heal…that God is not capable of healing you. LIES! I tell you! LIES! Is healing an emotional process…YES!!!! Will they feel a little overwhelming at times…YES!!! Do you need someone like a counselor to walk the journey with you…YES!!! Is it possible…YES!!! Is it for you…YES!!!
I wanted to share this song with you…because I believe that out of the ashes…out of all of our pain…He makes beautiful things…beautiful beautiful things. You are beautiful dearest sister…believe it or not…you are beautiful!
What you should do is write a book on how you can help others with what you went through for a younger audience. You went through so much.
ReplyDeleteHey! The song didn't post - what's the name?
ReplyDeleteHi Steph.
ReplyDeleteYou are always a blessing to us.
I'm so glad you let God work in your struggles, so you could reach us out today!
We both know how it is to be in circumstances that seem to ruin our lives.
However, it would be impossible to describe all the changes and the good that God has brought to myself. We both have lived through an experience in which we have allowed God to change us for the better, so you will understand when I say to you that I would not go back to where I was before for a hundred troubled free lives.
Amen?
I love you,
Michele Caséca
I am thankful you have been through a similar experience as I did so many years ago... incredibly abusive, manipulative relationship that involved a date rape. Like you, I had such a hard time calling it a rape because I felt like I held the responsibility on my shoulders. Love what you said in the vlog on Melissa's blog ~ put the responsibility of the act on the perpetrator and the responsibility of healing on God. Love it. I feel like I am moving in the right direction thanks to reading the Scriptures, counseling, and many years of maturing (it's been 15 years since my rape). Anyway... just wanted to say that I am comforted to know you have been through many of the same emotions as me... it's always comforting to know that someone else out there understands! Blessings to you for opening yourself up!!!
ReplyDeleteGreat suggestion Jackie! Actually I am working on a book right now, although it is still VERY much a work in progress! So nice to meet you!
ReplyDeleteSue...it is Beautiful things by Gungor!
ReplyDeleteAMEN Michelle! And I totally understand! Love you girl!!!!
ReplyDeleteTamara, yes, I think one of the MOST healing things on this journey has been knowing that we are not alone in our pain and struggles. Blessings to you girly!
ReplyDeleteThank you very much for sharing this song with us! Another song that I really love and have been listening to a lot is "Beautiful" by Mercy Me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WnAq0o2Xl8
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ReplyDeleteI love you and the beautiful heart God has given you. Thank you for making yourself so vulnerable, giving inspiration and courage for others to share as well.
ReplyDeleteBeauty from pain.
<3
Kendra
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ReplyDeleteBeautiful and timely post Stephanie. I too am a victim of date rape, and like you, thought it was "my fault". The term "date rape" did not exist in 1975. And it really messed with my head when I first heard the term years later, but not for the better. It got even more twisted, but this comment block is not the place to share that. I also went through severe depression, and even considered taking my own life in 1988. I write about it in my personal testimony here. http://shariengland.blogspot.com/p/my-testimony_17.html
ReplyDeleteI have begun a book regarding the issue, but am in a season of really seeking the Lord to continue on one particularly delicate issue. Thank you for sharing. God bless you.
It was nice to visit here from Melissa's blog. I am feeling so much better knowing that healing is possible and we are taking this journey together. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteShari, I am working on a book too, praying for you girl, as I know writing can be so taxing!!!
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to say. I can't stop crying. I wish there was a letter on my keyboard that represents tears so I could just type it over and over again. That is all I have right now. You just described me. I purchased the Hidden Joy book, but am behind. I was unable to sign up for the conference calls, but now feel I NEED to sign up if possible...to hear you. I need change. I have been living with these LIES (the fear, anxiety, anger) for years and NOTHING is changing. How can I have hope that things will change when I am still battling the anxiety and fear daily? My fear is affecting my life...my job, my social life, my relationships, even day-to-day activities like going to the store.
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