Wednesday, September 22, 2010

"It’s hard to be a woman and be strong” - loving words spoken to me by a dear friend.

There is a delicate balance that exists between strength and sensitivity. A balance that I think it is harder for a woman to walk. We are emotional beings, God made us that way, but we are also very very strong. We may not believe it at times, and it may not show up in physical strength, but a woman of Lord, she is anything but weak.

The past few weeks have been rough for my husband’s side of the family. My father in law had a massive heart attack and is continuing his battle in the hospital as I write. And through it all I have seen enormous strength. I have seen it in my father in law as he continues to survive trial after trial, and although he may be too weak for surgery right now, “weak” is the last word I would use to describe him. I have seen it in my husband as he continues to work as a policeman night after night, and spend the time he usually would be sleeping in the hospital day after day. I have seen it in the entire family who despite struggles of their own, continue to support Mike day in and day out. I have seen that it is true that God works in ALL things. But, I have also seen this, as the weeks wear on, at times our own strength somehow begins to wane.

In the past, when my strength begins to fail, I would emotionally shut down. However, through the past year I have learned to ask for help and to let Kevin in on my hurt. I have learned to trust him with my emotions. Which has been awesome! But this time is a little different; Kevin is more exhausted than I am. So yesterday I had a choice to make. I could emotionally blow up all over Kevin knowing he has too much on his plate, or I could give it to God. Well, I didn’t make the best decision. I blew my emotional vomit all over my sweet husband who was already in a state of exhaustion. And then…I did what I should have done and gave it to God.

It is hard to be a woman and be strong. It is hard to want a shoulder to cry on (and although there are multiple shoulders in my life, the only one I want is Kevin’s) and yet at the same time realize that God’s shoulder is big enough and real enough to take on all my tears. And for me, it is hard at times not to be selfish and realize that Kevin will give me what he has when he can (this is more wisdom from my very very wise and loving friend). So, I will be a woman and I will be strong, because a woman of God IS ANYTHING BUT WEAK. He has enough strength to raise the dead, and He has enough strength to calm my emotional seas. He has enough strength to hold my Kevin when I can’t be there, and He has enough strength to heal my father in law. Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”


  1. I find it so difficult to continue to remember that my strength is in the Lord. When I find myself in a place where emotional vomit just spews from my mouth (yuck!), I usually realize it is because I have not been giving God my stress, my let-downs, my schedule, my heart.

    I will be praying for your family.

  2. You said, others may…but you cannot. But remember the part of it (and scripture) where God has such a jealous watch over you – makes me think that he loves you so much that it’s almost an obsession. When someone protects you that jealously, his love for you must be unfathomably deep. And to think…he loves Kevin that much and Kevin’s dad that much and me and you and your kids and Obama and Sarah Palin and people at church and school and on tv that drive us nuts. J

    Obedience is so hard. The narrow road is so easy to fall off of. The rocks on both sides are scary but we don’t realize it til we fall off that narrow path and skin our knees. But then we go back to obedience and realize that God has put soft heather on the road to cushion our feet, and sunflowers and roses along the path to make us smile, and a gentle breeze to ruffle our hair and in the distance, the sound of a gentle thunderstorm or ocean waves, followed by the smell of rain and sea salt. So as we obey by staying on that path, we get to experience God’s little blessings that are there JUST FOR US… Praise Him! He loves us!

    So keep obeying. Keep listening and praying and having faith and loving. And when you fall, just get back up and wipe the blood off and head for the sunshine. :)

    Last night, Sierra’s friend spent the night because her mom had to be somewhere early this morning and the girls have collaboration day (go in at 8:45). So as I was waking them up, I sang an annoying little song. Then Natalie, our friend, said her mom sings “Rise and Shine” and so I started singing, “Rise and shine and give God the glory, glory…” I’ve had it in my head all day. Kind of fun to have those words stuck in your head! (of course, I am also singing, “The Lord told Noah there’s gonna be a floody, floody, get those children out of the muddy, muddy!”)