Thursday, May 13, 2010

Who do you trust?

How many times a day do we tell God, “That’s a nice thought, but you’re wrong”. How many times a day do we trust ourselves over God, do we believe ourselves over the bible? How many times a day do we trust what we believe about ourselves over anything and everything else?

What is it that keeps us from believing the good things that people say about us, and immediately taking the bad in as the truth without question?

I have still been rolling this whole approval/affirmation thing around in my head. Even if we don’t want someone to agree with us, maybe some of us walk around every day looking for evidence to support what it is that we truly believe. If we believe that we are a piece of pooh, when we forget to put something in our child’s backpack, we think, yep, affirmation, I am a piece of pooh, a bad parent. However, if we receive compliments over something we did well that day, we may immediately discount it as just luck or some kind of freak accident that we actually did something right.

Is it possible that all of this comes back to trust? I think some of us that have past hurts (and who doesn’t have some kind of past hurt) tend to place the majority of our trust in ourselves. It just seems easier that way. I know myself. I can trust myself. And if we dare let someone past the wall, they better do the right thing, or that wall is going right back up faster than you can blink an eye!!!! Sound familiar? So we stick to just trusting ourselves, yikes. That can be a scary place to be.

And when it comes to trusting God, geeeezzzzzz, so now I am supposed to trust God, that I cannot even see? How in the world am I going to believe that what God says about me is true when I don’t even believe that I am loveable?

You know the thoughts we have about ourselves can be awful. I know that some of the thoughts I have had in the middle of a deep depression, I couldn’t even verbalize them, they sickened me so much. And if it sounded that sickening to say, imagine how sick it was keeping me inside?!? Those thoughts, especially if they have become our best friends, can really be a poison to our faith and to our relationships with others, not to mention ourselves. But, above all else, because we trust ourselves, we believe those thoughts, and we continue to add evidence to the pile that they are true.

The only way to stop this pattern is just that, STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!! We don’t just “try” to jump, we either jump or we don’t jump. Let’s jump today. Let’s trust God over ourselves for just one day, and believe his word over our own negative thoughts. We may not actually “believe” it today, but again, pray help me overcome my unbelief!!! Choose just one bible verse today, or several if you choose, but whatever you choose don’t just read it today, believe it today, speak it today, yell it in your car on your way to work if it helps, write it on a sticky note and tape it to your forehead, whatever you have to do, do it! Mine is going to be from Proverbs 31, “she is clothed in strength and dignity”. Today I choose to believe that I am clothed in strength and dignity, above all else, why?, because I am going to choose to believe God’s word over myself, just for this, just for today. One day at a time, just living for today, tomorrow will come soon enough.


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