Friday, May 7, 2010

Approval Addiction - Affirmation Addiction

Approval addiction. There is even a book called that by Joyce Myer, although I have it at home, I haven’t read it yet. For some reason it just didn’t resonate with me at the time I began reading it. However, I have been deeply convicted lately about this “addiction” and finding security in Christ, nothing more, nothing less.

So…I began to wonder, what exactly is it about approval that we get so addicted to? Well, at the root of it can be insecurity. We don't believe in ourselves enough so we seek it externally, because we don’t have it internally. But for me, honestly, I have come to realize that approval is not what I am addicted to. When the day is done, I am stubborn enough that I am going to do what I want to do, wheather others approve of it or not. I am not looking for someone to agree with me. I think this comes down from my family line, but I definitely have an “I am always right” streak, not such a good thing, but the truth isn’t always pretty.

So, then, if I don’t really want others approval about the things I do or do not do, what exactly is it that I am addicted to? I think it might be affirmation. I am stubborn and downright defiant sometimes, I want to do what I want to do! But…the beliefs that I have about myself, in my inmost little girl self, still radiates with shame at times. I am not quite sure where or why I developed such a core, but it still rears its ugly head up at times.

The definition of affirm is to declare the truth of something, unlike approve which is to agree that something is good. If approval were to work for me, I would first have to decide that I am good, before I could have someone agree with me that I am good. No…what I am addicted to is affirmation, for someone to declare to me that I AM OKAY. However, the problem with seeking affirmation from others is that they can’t stand over you and speak the truth over you every second of every day for the rest of your life. You have to begin to be able to affirm yourself, and what you cannot make yourself believe, you have to accept as truth from God.

If you beat yourself every day, saying, I can’t do anything right, I’m so lazy, I will never feel better, I should have done this or that-or why don’t we just say what we really mean when we say all these things-I am not good enough, nor will I ever be, and I am just flat unworthy.

Let’s speak some truth here. We are not good enough, all have fallen short of the glory of God. If we were good enough then Christ died in vain. We will never be good enough on our own. The only way we are good enough is by the grace of God. So here is the truth, plain and simple, as I see it. Christ speaks to us and says “I AM ENOUGH for you”. That’s it, that’s all. Weather we seek approval, affirmation, or both from the world, it will never ever ever ever be ENOUGH. We will always need more and more leaving a trail of worn out people in our lives that we thought could save us from ourselves, but never did. He is enough. His truth is enough. What the bible says about you, that his spirit lives in you, that you are a co-heir with Christ, in him and only in him you are made worthy, that is the truth.

So claim it, look up some bible verses that claim who you are in Christ, and pray and speak those over yourself. That is the truth. You may not believe it at first, and that is okay! Check out Mark 9:24, CRY OUT DAILY, help me overcome my unbelief!!!! And keep saying those verses that are powerful to you as an individual over yourself, and before too long, I believe with all my heart that we will come to a place where we truly find all the affirmation we need in him. It probably won’t happen overnight, we didn’t become insecure overnight, and we won’t crawl out of it overnight either. But he is who he says he is and he has the power to do what he has promised. Romans 4:20-21


  1. I love your blog! Your writing has really hit my heart. I am battling depression and my marriage is falling apart. My husband has become "despondent" as you talked about in one post. I'm trying not to get to that point, but it's hard not to. The power of the Lord is what keeps me hanging in there. Thanks for your words of wisdom. Please pray for my family and I will pray for you, as well. Keep up the good work!

  2. This is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing. I just realized that I am addicted to affirmation and get into a space where I can't think of anything but and don't think of my actions before I take them. Please pray for me! Here is my blog: I am also an alcoholic, so it makes sense that I shift my addiction and apply it to relationships too. I have been working on affirmations about who we are in Christ and self-soothing. Those things are difficult to learn!