Right now, Daddy

I like to think that if I was Mary I should be so obedient.

I like to sit and play the what would you do game when it comes to bible characters. I like to put myself in their place and wonder if I would do the same thing. If an angel of the Lord appeared to me and told me that I would be with child, that the Savior would be born unto me, what would I do?

Mary did not have my prior knowledge, like I have. She knew absolutely nothing of the story of Jesus Christ. She had not heard the stories of His birth over and over again, and the stories of His death over and over again, and the truths of His grace over and over again. But I have.

But what would I do If I were Mary? If I had no prior knowledge. I am quite certain that I would have said NO WAY! I would have had a million excuses and reason why God had not only chose the wrong girl, but reasons why the plans I had already laid out for my life could not be altered to fit this in. I am quite certain I would have been horrified and said no. I am quite certain that the last thing that would have come out of my mouth would be, “ I am the Lord’s servant. May everything you have said about me come true.”

And then the Sprit prompted me asking, “Well what if you did know“? What if you did know that you would bear the savior of the world? What if you did know the story of Christ as you know it now? Then would you say yes? The sad thing is…I am still quite certain I still would possibly say no.

If Jesus were to be born to me right know, as I am what would I do? If God were to give me the forsight to know His story, and what would happen to Him, that He really would save the world, what would I do when the angel of the Lord appeared?

I would wonder how Jesus would get along with my other children. I would wonder if we could afford his upbringing. I would wonder what other people would think. I would wonder why He choose me. I would warn Him that I am quite certain I would fail. What if I died in childbirth leaving my other children without a mom? What would my husband think? What would my parents think? Yes…even in my present state of knowledge I am quite certain that if I were Mary I still would have said no. Even if I knew that what the angel of the Lord was saying was true, that the Son of God would be born unto me, I would still have a million reasons why He should not be. Why he should not come into my life. Why I could not make room in my life for the Savior to be born.

Hmmm…sounds an awfully lot familiar. I still seem to have a million reasons why the Savior cannot be born. I have accepted Him into my heart, and I am born again, but I so often say, “God I don’t have room for you in this.” “This one is me. Let me try this one on my own. , can’t I just do it my way this time. Can’t you just let me sin without feeling guilty or reeping the consequences just this once. Why God? Why do I have to be obedient? Didn’t you choose the wrong girl? God do you have to born in my life right now? Wouldn’t another time work better? I just don’t have time for you right now God.”

I say these things so often. For the first time…for a moment…I can feel the hurt that it must bring to His heart. To have his beautiful daughter say, “not right now Daddy. I am too busy for you right now. Not right now Daddy, I am too busy looking for gifts. Not right now Daddy. I am too busy with Nutcracker. Not right now Daddy. there are a million other things to do. Not right now.” How it must pain Him…and yet he loves me anyways.

Dear Lord, Right now Daddy. Please help me to have a heart that is always willing to have you born into my life anytime anywhere. Right now Daddy. During Christmas Daddy, during Nutcracker rehearsals, and work, and cleaning the house, and cooking, and going to parties, right now Daddy. Be my everything right now Daddy. Mess up my plans right now Daddy. I love you Daddy. Amen.