Do you ever have one of those nights where it feels as if angels and demons are wrestling right above you? Had one of those nights last night. And honestly, this morning I hesitated with whether or not I wanted to share about the massive amount of conviction that kept me up last night, or rather just sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened. I kind of was opting for never happened until I remembered it was link up day to Jen at Finding Heaven, and after reading her post, yes, okay God, I will share.
You see, it is easy for me to share my struggles when it comes to things such as depression or healing from past hurts and pains. Somehow these struggles have taken on a "holy" vibe to me. However, I still have a hard time sharing the "real" sin struggles. The struggles with things like pride.
Last night Sam at Fields of Gold linked to my blog. I was so excited, because I felt so honored to be linked to by such an awesome writer. However, I woke up last night realizing that in the excitement that she liked my post, I NEVER EVER EVER EVER even thought much about the pain behind her words. I thought about my own pain behind my words, but never hers. So there I was at 2 am, with God telling me, you need to appoligize to her. Your head got swelled up so big with the yourself, that you never even followed the passion of what you set out to do. Reach out to women and pray for women who struggle just like you do.
I didn't start blogging to get more followers or more likes, yet on days it seems as if that is what I am after. I didn't start blogging to make myself look good. I started blogging so that maybe someone else could derive some benefit from the journey of my own pain and struggles. I started blogging so that women who feel alone, might know that they are not so alone. I started blogging because it was what I felt God wanted me to do. Where did I make the wrong turn? I'm not really sure. But it's time to whip a u-turn and head back up the road to where I started from. So glad our God is a God of second chances.
Today I am linking up with Jen at Finding Heaven as a part of a new sitsterhood that is not about "THE QUALITY OF OUR WORDS BUT ABOUT LIVING THOSE WORDS". Praying for all of us sisters that whatever our struggles, we will see God's hand working as never before.
What a kick in the b*** and a great reminder. I have to admit that I get excited when people comment or I have a new follower, but you're right. I didn't start my blog to become popular or famous, I started to share how God has worked and is working in my life with others and to inspire others who have similar struggles. I'll be praying for you too, Sister!
ReplyDeleteSometimes I struggle there too. I so want to be a voice for Him...but at times when it seems like my blog is growing....I can get a big head. I must come back to the big realization that every single thing I do...even blog...is for Him. Only Him. And He is always enough. I know that so often in my head....now to just move it into my heart ;) Prayers ascending for you...and know that you are not alone!
ReplyDeleteI'm so excited that you shared this, for multiple reasons. First, clearly, you are walking in obedience! Secondly, this is something that so many of us struggle with and to get it out in the open means that light can then infiltrate the dark places in our heart where things like pride can grow. Thirdly, what an awesome reminder that God is the God of second chances.
ReplyDeleteWell, I think your post just addressed the pink elephant standing in the middle of the blog world. I think many of us struggle with this (we just don't like to admit it) I can relate. Just found myself praying about this issue this morning. I want my motives to be pure. It's not about me or how many people read my posts. If God can use it to touch one person, then it's all worth it! Thanks for your honesty.
ReplyDeleteWhew. Glad I'm not the only one. Ha! And Eileen your comment had me giggling. I'm a counselor by trade, so if there is an elephant in the room-pink purple rainbow or polka dot- I'm usually the one to step right smack on its toes weather I meant to or not. Lololol! Much love n blessings to all you girls. So good to know I'm in good company :)
ReplyDeleteThank you sweet Stephanie!! I sent you a FB message too, but truly, last night I slept better and felt more of God's peace when I woke, then I have in a long time! God uses all things for His and our good, and I know your prayers fell on me like soft rain throughout the long night, refreshing a dry and weary land. Seriously, of all nights, I n-e-e-d-e-d prayer last night! My heart is full of gratitude for you and how God worked it all out to have someone praying for me in the wee hours of the morning!! I love your heart and passion behind your writing....you're making a difference in many lives!!! Hugs! Sam :)
ReplyDeleteA post from the heart, Stephanie. Sweet honesty - thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteStephanie,
ReplyDeleteNo we don't write for likes or followers or a high number of comments, but yikes, I'm with you. There are days when I wonder about my true focus.
I loved what you said about some sins taking on a "holy vibe". I guess I never thought of it that way, but you are SO right, and I can think of two of my holy vibe sins just off the top of my head. Yuck, yuck, yuck.
Great post and reminder... I often get sucked into the blogging stuff too, forgetting that God has called me to be Him in that place, to minister, and to pray. Thanks for the refocus and your honesty!
ReplyDeleteThank you all for such sweet comments, LOLOLOL! And yes, I must admit I am enjoying them :) But I think that is just fine with God as long as I seek His guidance with every move I make and remember that He is the healer. We all need no more approval and affirmation than that which He is already given us as His beautiful daughters. Much love and blessings to all of you girls, you are all amazing, and I stand in awe that God has surrounded me with such awesome and amazing women of faith. Prayers that all of us tonight will be satisfied with Him and content to bask in the sunshine of His presence.
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