I haven’t blogged in a couple of days, because I have just been overwrought with some family drama. And when I say overwrought, I mean completely overwhelmed, unable to breathe. I am not going to go into the details, let’s just say I had fears that my worst nightmares were coming to pass. They may or may not have, I really don’t know at this point. But, as with any situation involving family, it gets all convoluted and emotions flying everywhere at 90 miles an hour. What I would normally do as a professional came into collision with what I feel I need to do to protect my family, and I wasn't even sure exactly what protecting my family looked like at this point. When professional and personal judgment collide, it is like trying to pick between two equally legitimate paths. Then you add trying to decipher God’s will in the mix, and the roads become one big mesh of unavigateable highway.
Notice, I said “trying to decipher God’s will”. Not that I think it’s wrong to do this, we must seek Gods will. However, I have a tendency to wait about 30 seconds to decipher His will, and then I decide that He is not going to answer, so I had better just figure it out myself. In case you haven’t noticed, I have a REALLY hard time with patience. I have a REALLY hard time with trust, still, although He is working on me. And I am extremely HEADSTRONG, so I jump to the “I will just figure it myself” mantra. All of this I do instead of the one thing I should do, sit in peace and rest and wait on God to provide His perfect answer. Instead I run around like a chicken with my head cut off, screaming the sky is falling, until He answers. And I am so grateful that despite my ridiculous displays, He still answers. That is grace that is unconditional, that is love.
Today, God provided me with a friend who directed me on a path that finally let me breathe. The God path. The path He made that does not require me to choose between my professional and personal judgment. The path He made when there seemed to be no way out, the perfect path, the God path. And He was there all along, all I had to do was wait. His timing is always perfect, He always hears us, and I know that if I would just trust Him, I could save myself a lot of pain and worry.
Instead...I will bring praise.