Tuesday, June 1, 2010


Today was a good day, a beautiful day, a day to remember. I started the day much like any other day, however a little more anxious. You see, the past week has been very difficult for me. It marks the anniversary of two very significant things in my life. 1. it marks the anniversary of the first time I disclosed some very serious bondage involving sexual assault from when I was a teen 2. it marks the month of the very incident of sexual assault, of which I don’t remember the specific day, but know it was late May to early June. Needless to say, I have had a little invasion of memories that I could have done without. And since I am a writer, when memories threaten to attack, I write, when panic attacks, I write and write and write and write some more. Much of which is very personal writing, hence I don’t blog about it lest the destroyer be glorified rather than the healer.

Which brings me back to today: I had done some very intense and personal-emotional-raw writing. Writing that I really felt kind of, okay very, ashamed of, after all, shouldn’t I be past this by now?!?!?! However, I needed someone else to read it, lest I keep the bondage all to myself. After all, once it is exposed to the light, freedom can be found. So I reluctantly let a very trusted friend and mentor read the words that I was so ashamed of, so ashamed I couldn’t even look at her as she read it. Then she said a few loving and kind words that only she could speak, picked up a lighter, gave me a hug, I cried a few tears, and then we burned that sucker.

The point of sharing all of this is for one thing that I hope we can all realize. We all need someone who can love us unconditionally, forever. God gives us blessings here on earth, and I truly believe that He filled my friend up today with his love so that she could pour it out to water my parched and weary soul. After all, sometimes we just need another person bearing Gods love to give us that hug we so desperately long for.

When I am hurting I have depended on her many times, but I must also acknowledge that there is not a human soul alive who can mend my heart. There is no person on this earth who can wash my sin, cleanse my soul, purify my heart, make me an heiress, and crown me as a princess. Only Christ can do this. Only through God sending his son to die, am I a co-heir with Christ. Because he sent his Son to be bruised and beaten on a torturous cross, I can know that I am loved unconditionally. I know that he sent his very only son to pay the ultimate price so that I might find freedom for the soul torturing assault I experienced. And what I experienced pales in comparison to what others go through.

My dear dear sister, whatever your pain is, please know that God is bigger and stronger and his loving arms can carry you through the roughest waters of you life. Don’t give up. Keep fighting. Don’t let Satan convince you to be ashamed. Take the shackles that Satan used to bind you up, and along with Christ, fashion those ugly shackles into a beautiful tiara. Wear it proud dear sister. It is your victory crown, victorious in Christ you are my darling, and always, always, always will be.


Post a Comment