Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I didn't wanna fall, but I don't have to crawl

I am a very passionate person. Sometimes I think I feel emotions on a whole different level. I can’t tell you how many times I have prayed and prayed for God to take some very deep and passionate feelings of sorrow and depression away. And for the most part, he has. He really has provided for some awesome deep and powerful healing from depression. Not that I am fully healed by any means, I think that this is probably an issue I will battle with on and off throughout my life. However, I kind of thought that as he provided healing from depression, somehow the intensity with which I experience emotions would also change. Not so. And thankfully, he knows what I need more than I do, and he does not answer all of our requests with a yes!

He knows that I need to feel emotions with an intense passion, or I would get insanely bored. If I didn’t feel so deeply, I would not be able to write, and writing is something I love. If I did not identify so intensely with others, and empathize so deeply, I sure wouldn’t be a very good counselor! And my favorite part of being a highly emotional person is that although I may feel negative feelings very powerfully, I also experience positive emotions with great joy and passion, something I wouldn’t give up for the world!

I have had myself so wound up for years, trying to hold the intensity of my emotions in!!! They just wanted to pop out of my skin, but I wanted to be perfect, so I would stifle. And I stifled for as long as I could, but you can only stuff so much down before it starts to bubble over! And bubble over it did, and as much pain as was let out, oh my goodness it was freeing.

You know, God never makes mistakes. He brought me to the point where I finally realized, I can be passionate as he made me, or I can try and try and try to be “perfect”. As exhausting as passion can be, it is far more exhausting to try to be perfect. And now that I have realized what a gift my emotional intensity is, I can start to embrace it, and use it as a gift!

God has gifted every single one of us in our own unique ways. But dear sister, you must be on the lookout, because Satan will try and try to stifle whatever that gift may be. You may even see the very thing he has gifted you with as a burden. What Satan intends for harm, God can and will use for good. In every trial and every struggle that we endure, we have a choice to make. We didn’t want to fall, but we don’t have to crawl. The very stumbling block we tripped over can the same block that lifts us closer to Him.


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