Treasures in Earthen Vessels

We have this treasure in earthen vessels, to show that this power is from God and not from us.

This power. This power is from God and not from us. This power is a treasure. A treasure of God that exists in this dirty broken earthen vessel, a power that is not from us, but from God alone.

It is easy to worship the vessel, to think that the power belongs to the individual vessel it resides in. But power and glory belong only to God. Anything we do for the good of the kingdom is because of the power of God in us. It is because he has empowered us to do the work he has planned for us.

So why worship the vessel that holds the power, when you can worship the giver of the power. Perhaps the vessel is easier to see than the power source? But the problem with worshiping the vessel is that it will eventually disappoint us. Even the most full vessels cannot fill us up to the brim without emptying themselves. And what if their cup is smaller than ours? Then we end up half full and they end up empty. That is not a good outcome for either of us. So why not worship the ultimate cup filler? Worship the one whose supply never runs dry, and the one who will fill our cups with infinitely more than we have asked or imagined. That's our treasure, his power dwelling inside of us, creating a future beyond our wildest dreams, if we choose to trust and obey.

Why?

When you look at the hardships in this life, sometimes I think that it is amazing that any one of us survive. I went to a conference this week on Child Abuse Prevention, and the stories I head were just gut wrenching to say the least. I listened to people talk about thier worst fears realized and others telling the stories of countless others whos worst fears were realized. And I stare at them amazed, they are so real, so raw. And yet they are so complete. You can see that despite the horrific traumas they endured, they are somehow better for it. God somehow did what he said he would do, imagine that. He made all things work together for these people, the good and the bad, all to the glory of him. The two women I watched speak were equally amazing.

But...they are not the people that break my heart. They are not the rule. They are the exception. They are women who took what hapened to them, and somehow rose above, amazingly resiliant, and blessed. But...what about all the others. The others who were abused or mistreated and fall into lives of drugs, or sex, or pornography, or abusive relationships, etc, etc, etc. What about all these other people? Why is it that some are able to overcome and others are stuck in lives of repeating the same patterns, even though deep down inside they desperately long to get out?

I don't know that I will ever have the answer to this question, other than knowing that God is good. And I know that he is good, and he ultimatelly has an intricate plan weaving together that is much too complex for my tiny mind.

I do know this though. I know that God made people who care. I know that God made people who will never give up on others. Who despite all odds care about hurting people, and who will gently guide and lead them to true freedom which comes only from Christ.

I wrestle often with what my calling is on this earth, should I do this or should I do that? But ultimately, I know what my calling is, to Love God with all my heart-soul-and mind, and to love others with that crazy God love that he loves me with. Wherever we are, whatever we are doing, we can all rest assured that this is our calling. So...in the words of one of my favorite songs I will say that in Christ alone my hope is found. He is my light, my strength, my song. He and he alone commands my destiny. No power of hell, or scheme of man, could ever pluck me or any of his beloved children from his hand. And till he returns or calls me home, here in the power of Christ I stand.

It is for freedom that I have been set free. Tonight's bible study was amazing, and I must say I was deeply moved. Chains are rapidly dropping to the ground, and me and God shared a few awesome moments in which he gave me this.

Like the wind blows the rain, so is my love for you
You see, the tree is stubborn, it does not move
It does not bend to the wind, it is strongly rooted in itself
But, as the rain falls steady from the sky
So it is moved by the wind
It does not fight, it does not bend and yet stay rooted among itself
No, it flys wherever the wind takes it
Falling exactly in the spot it needs to
Do not try to be the wind yourself, trying to move others to a new place
For only I am the wind
Be like the rain,
Fall freely from the sky, wherever my love may take you
For it is here you may be able to move
Not because you want to
But because you have been obedient to the wind and landed where you needed to
Watering what I wanted you to water
And now you may see a flower grow
Never by your own intentions, but only by mine
For only in me can you be made whole
Only I can turn a raindrop into a flower
Only I can teach you how to water
Never the tree
Never the wind
Only the rain
I have called you to be the rain.

She Speaks Conference

Well, we survived it, and actually had a good time I must say! Spring break with two children who not only prefer, but NEED routine. And tomorrow we head back, back to school for the kids and back to work for me. A part of me is excited to return to the crazy normalness we live with, and the other part just wonders what it would be like to carry just a little less on my schedule on a consistent basis.

And so I begin to wonder, why do I do so much? I work to pay the bills of course, and I do a support group and go to a bible study because I LOVE both of these things. But…I also LOVE my family. How can I cram it all in!!!!

I cannot ignore the fact that I continue to feel called into some sort of women’s ministry. What exactly that entails, well that is yet to be revealed. And that’s okay, what fun is life without a little mystery? However, I know and trust that God is piecing together my counseling degree, my love for writing, life experiences, my love for him, my passionate need to share with other women, and my battles with so many issues – he is piecing them together into a beautiful picture that only he could create.

And so…I was reading the devotional that is delivered to my inbox daily…when I stumbled across Lisa TerKeurst’s blog (which by the way is amazing and definitely worth checking out often). She is giving away a scholarship to the “She Speaks” Conference, which I had never really heard of before, but it looks like an amazing experience. It is for women who feel called into some sort of ministry to learn to write and to speak better, and to perhaps narrow their calling a little bit, which I could DEFINITELY benefit from  It looks like an amazing time with God and an amazing time with some phenomenal women of faith. Here is a link to the contest http://lysaterkeurst.blogspot.com/2010/03/she-speaks-scholarship-contest.html - and a link to the conference in case you might be interested as well http://www.shespeaksconference.com/

So I am writing this post, and linking it to her blog in hopes that perhaps I will be blessed with a scholarship to attend this conference. And, even though this sounds like an amazing opportunity, and I would love to go, I know that it is ultimately in his hands. So…we will see!
I hope you all have an amazing week! Blessings and Love Always! Stephanie

What would it mean to know God loves you? Would it change your everything?

I really don’t have anything to give as far as wisdom, I am learning that more and more every day. Every day God is humbling my heart more and more to realize that anything decent that comes out of my lips is straight from him, because my flesh is just a big mess. And my thoughts are a little disorganized today, but somehow I feel that there is a message in what I am feeling that I hope someone else gets something out of, so here goes.

I have been struggling hardcore with unbelief. Don’t get me wrong, I believe Christ died on the cross for my sins, but trusting him beyond that has been a struggle for me. To know him and believe that he loves me, yeah that has always been a nice thought, but how many of us really believe that he loves us. I am going out on a limb here, but I would say that more of us struggle with the idea that he truly passionately loves us than we would care to admit.

Why do we struggle with this, well I’m sure the answer to that question could vary greatly with each and every one of us. But, I do know one thing, God was willing to send his son to have him marred and beaten to where he did not even resemble the likeness of a man, mocked and murdered on a cross. If I am really willing to accept that he did that for ME, well I have to accept that he loves me, at least from an intellectual standpoint. Just think about sacrificing your own child, and you know this to be true. However, how do we let this sink down from our heads to our hearts.
Well, I don’t know the answer for everyone, but I know what is working for me. Accepting his love and believing he loves me is a choice. I choose to believe it, even though I don’t feel it all the time. I choose to claim that it is true, even though uncertainty floods my thoughts. I pray daily for God to “help me overcome my unbelief, and forgive me for the sin of not believing”. Because honestly, when we look at how many times his word says he loves us in a million different ways, and we choose not to believe, we are sinning. We are perhaps in a way saying that what his word says is some nice fluff, but not really true. And believe me honey, I am not casting the first stone, I will be the first one to admit that I STRUGGLE with some unbelief. But, I am not going to give up!

So my dear sister, I plead with you, don’t let Satan strap you down with the obstacle of unbelief. The last thing he wants you to believe is that God loves you, because if you did, you might stop telling yourself all those nasty lies, and then God would be able to do some awesome things through you, and he soooooooo does not want that. Lets take him down girls! This life is a battle, not just of flesh and blood, but a spiritual battle, and we are not giving in, not for a second! Let’s get out there and fight. He sent his son to die for us so that we could be set FREE, DO NOT LET YOURSELF BE BURDENED BY ANY YOKE OF SLAVERY!!!!! He loves you. Yes he does. HE LOVES YOU!!!!!

Isaiah 54:10 and 63:1-4

When I am tired and alone
He is enough for me
When I am scared and afraid
He is enough for me
It doesn’t matter how long I have drifted away
He is still there for me
It doesn’t matter how many times I have turned my back and said I don’t trust you
He is still there for me
When memories come and my breath quickens and my heart begins to race
He holds me close
When I’ve cried all I can and all that’s left is numbness
He holds me close
When my heart cries out in worship and screams how can you love me
He breaks with me
When I want nothing more than the very things that have shattered me
He breaks with me
When I explode in anger at his feet because he hasn’t fixed it yet
He listens to me
When I tell him that I can’t do it anymore
He listens to me
When I finally collapse in his arms from exhaustion
He rests with me
When I acknowledge that I need him every moment of every day
He rests with me
And when I open up my hands dropping it all to the floor
He pours out his love
And when I accept his invitation and let him love me
His love overflows

13 years

Psalm 119: 67-68
Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word.
You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees.
I went 13 years before disclosing it to anyone. 13 long years. 13 years where Satan continued to make me believe that I was responsible for everything that happened. 13 long years of shame, 13 years of believing that every day was another day where I must set out to prove my worth, lest I be nothing more than a dirty little failure. 13 years of going astray. 13 years of running.
But thank you Jesus, he sent some affliction. Thank you Jesus that you sent my depression and my anxiety, thank you that you allowed me to be buried in such a deep pit that I had no choice but to turn to you, and to face the realities of my past, lest they continue to bind me for the rest of the future.
In Beth Moore’s Breaking Free this is what she says, “The measures God takes to woo us to liberty may be excruciating at times, but they are often more powerful evidence of His unfailing love than all the obvious blessings we could expound”.
This last year I have definitely had my share of excruciating, more than I thought I could ever bear, but I am still here. And I promise you, if God hadn’t taken the wrecking ball to my life, I would have never stopped. I would have kept on achieving and kept on accomplishing, and kept on believing that the next accomplishment would fill me up. That the next thing I did was going to be the thing that finally made me feel worthy of being alive, that the next thing would fill the deep dark emptiness. I would have never stopped had he not loved me enough to starve and suffocate my self-destructiveness to the point of near starvation. I would have let Satan bury me alive in a sea of accomplishments that would never add up to anything.
But he loved me, he loves me. He loves me enough to have wrecked my life so that I could rebuild it with him. And he loves you. Whatever you are going through, wherever you have been, he loves you enough to make you a complete a total wreck so that you will have no choice but to cry out to him. Where sin increases, his grace increased all the more.
He is the only one that can save you. There was no person alive that would have had the stamina to pull me out of the pit I was in, thank God, because if there was I would have looked right at them and said, “Can I call you Jesus?” But God knew better, he made sure no one else could save me, so that I would have no choice but to turn to him, and no choice but to acknowledge his love for me.
So, if you are in a pit right now, I promise you, there is no one who understands your pit better than Jesus. He has been with you this whole time, he knows you better than you know yourself. And there is no one else that can pull you out. Psalm 107, cry out to him, and he is there. He may have wrecked you, he may have allowed you to be wrecked, but only so that he could be right there to rebuild with you. He will build you back up, and he knows the plans he has for you, and believe me dear sister, they are far beyond your wildest dreams.